How Many Employees Comic Strips - Page 100

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View 991 - 1000 results for how many employees comic strips. Discover the best "How Many Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss, #budget, #clothes, #drastic budget cuts, #dramatic, #how much cut, #buzzards seem selective

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Finance troll: We need to make drastic budget cuts. The boss: Let's not get all dramatic. Just tell me how much to cut and I'll make it happen. Dilbert: On the plus side,, the buzzards seem selective.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2008's comic on:


Tags #coworkers, #beat up, #deal with difficult coworkers, #evil driector, #human resources, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Dilbert: Alice beat me up. You have to do something. Catbert: Here's a book on how to deal with difficult coworkers. Dilbert: This isn't quite what... Catbert: Try holding it in front of your face.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 2008's comic on:


Tags #apologize for efficiency, #apology, #how far, #meeting, #reasonable assumptions, #timeline for deployment, #vacation, #without knowledge of insight, #business

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The boss: Let's figure out a timeline for development. Dilbert: Ted is the only one who knows anything about that. And he's on vacation. The boss: Let's see how far we can get without Ted. Alice: You mean without knowledge or insight? The boss: We can make reasonable assumptions. Dilbert: Or we could wait for Ted to come back tomorrow and ask him.. The boss: I called this meeting and it's not a meeting until someone's time gets wasted! Dilbert: I apologize for my efficiency. The boss: Apology accepted.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dress code, #office, #office workers, #company shirts, #casual freidays, #lower self esteem, #stop complaining, #industry average, #feel overpaid

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Catbert: I modified the dress code to require wearing company shirts on casual Fridays. That should lower our employees' self-esteem until they stop complaining about earning less than the industry average. Dilbert: Why do I feel overpaid today?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2008's comic on:


Tags #being moved, #50 miles each way, #hundred

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The Boss says, "Ted, you can keep your job but your office is being moved 50 miles away." Ted says, "Gosh, I guess I could drive another 50 miles each way." The Boss says, "How about a hundred?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2008's comic on:


Tags #loser, #achieves nothing, #reality, #winner, #realistic goals, #genous, #have a pulse

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Wally says, "Some people see me as a loser who achieves nothing." Wally says, "In reality I am a winner who knows how to set realistic goals." Dilbert says, "So you're sort of a genius." Wally says, "And yet my only goal was to have a pulse."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dogcart the ceo, #start rumors, #spread lies, #stock pop up, #stock options, #steal, #before computers

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert thinks, "Start some rumors, spread some lies..." Dogbert says, "Wait for the stock to pop up... exercise my stock options... bang!" Dogbert thinks, "How did people steal before computers?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2008's comic on:


Tags #powerpoint slide, #hired to identify, #goals of org., #show you sldie, #get paid

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Dogbert consultant Dogbert says, "I've been hired to identify the most important goals of your organization." Dilbert says, "how will you do that?" Dogbert says, "I'll ask you what they are, and you'll tell me." Dogbert says, "Then I'll put your answers on a PowerPoint slide." Dogbert says, "Next week I'll show you the slide and tell you to focus on your most important goals." Dogbert says, "Then I'll get paid. Because that's MY most important goal." Dogbert says, "WOO-HOO! CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING! CHA-CHING!" Dogbert says, "I lead by example."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #director of the green, #director of something else, #screwing up

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The Boss says, "Andy has been appointed our director of green." Dilbert says, "Director of green? How do you get a job like that?" Andy says, "You start by being the director of something else and screwing it up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2008's comic on:


Tags #trouble ticket, #have problem, #catch all, #shift change, #eascalation, #accidental disconnect

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A man says, "How can you say my trouble ticket is resolved when I still have the problem??!" Dogbert says, "Resolved is a catch-all term that can mean a shift change, escalation, or even an accidental disconnect." The man says, "So... you escalated it?" CLICK