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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2002's comic on:


Tags #lab accident, #sheep, #soft and warm, #form opinions, #want wool, #start shaving

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Dilbert is still a sheep. He says to The Boss, "A lab accident turned me into a sheep." Dilbert continues, "It's not all bad. In addition to being soft and warm, I never need to form opinions." Dilbert hands The Boss a wool shearer and continues, "If you want some wool, just grab me and start shaving. I'll barely struggle." The Boss responds, "Cool!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #clear strategy, #most profit, #do more, #less clear, #illegal

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We need a clear strategy. Does anyone have a suggestion?" Dilbert says, "Let's figure out what makes us the most profit, and then do more of it." The Boss responds, "It needs to be less clear than that." Wally asks, "Can it be illegal?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #need this afternoon, #shirt timer, #sit in this chaor, #move arms, #hesitate to ask, #itch, #awkward place

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Dilbert says to a coworker, "...And I need it this afternoon." The coworker replies, "Forget it! I'm a short-timer." The coworker continues, "I plan to sit in this chair and not move my arms or legs for a week. After that, I'll never work another day!" The coworker concludes, "I hesitate to ask this, but I have an itch in an awkward place."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2002's comic on:


Tags #red color, #presentation, #yellow, #set standards, #background colors, #metero, #pointy haired, #managing nitwits, #ear hole

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "And then I would end the presentation with this." The Boss is sitting next to two other pointy-haired people. He says, "Whoa! I don't like the look of that background color." The Boss continues, "Red says danger. We don't want to scare our customers." Dilbert responds, "Um.. okay. How about yellow?" The second pointy-haired person says, "Yellow? Are we saying we're cowards?" The third pointy-haired person says, "What we need is a committee to set some standards for background colors." Dilbert responds, "What we need is a meteor to pulverize you three pointy- haired, micro-managing nitwits." After the meeting, Wally asks Dilbert, "If you didn't move your mouth, how did it get out?" Dilbert responds, "It came out of my ear hole."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2002's comic on:


Tags #temp requested, #afraid of commitment, #stand like this, #no chair needed

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Carol brings a man into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Here's the temp you requested." Dilbert extends his hand. The temp backs up and exclaims, "Gaaa!! No handshake! I'm afraid of commitment!!" The temp motions as if he is running and says, "I won't need a chair. I like to stand in this position."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 03, 2002's comic on:


Tags #coproaret social responsibilty, #cut salary, #poor people, #extra money, #hose stock holders, #hurt stock options, #pollute less, #bucket, #river, #sludge out, #coffee, #zesty

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Tina says to The Boss, "We need to show more corporate responsibility." The Boss replies, "Okay, I'll cut your salary and give the extra money to poor people." Tina says, "I was hoping we could hose the stockholders, not me." The Boss responds, "That would hurt my stock options." He pauses and then asks, "What if we pollute less?" Tina exclaims, "Yes, yes! That's what I'm talking about. We could pollute less!" The Boss says, "Okay, take a bucket to the river and see how much of our sludge you can get out." Tina asks, "Where would I put it?" Dilbert and Wally are at the coffee machine. Dilbert asks, "Is it just me or has the coffee improved?" Wally exclaims, "Zesty!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2002's comic on:


Tags #dogebrt attorney, #best defense, #ignorant, #stock manipulation, #convince judge, #dumber than chocolate, #outdoor las vegas, #photo convention

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Headline: Dogbert the Attorney. Dogbert says to The Boss, "Your best defense is to say you were ignorant of your company's stock manipulation." Dogbert continues, "We need to convince a judge that you're dumber than chocolate pants at an outdoor Las Vegas photography convention." The Boss replies, "I don't get that." Dogbert says, "E-E-Excellent."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #epic year, #unethical behavior, #rebarnding, #hired dogcart consulting, #small improvements, #rename company, #stinking weasel, #slogan, #steal, #rob, #corruption, #hiring pirate, #diseased parrot

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Thanks to an epic year of unethical behavior..." The Boss continues, "We need to do some rebranding so that no one knows who we are." The Boss points to Dogbert and continues, "I hired the Dogbert Consulting Company to help." Dogbert says, "You can't fix your image all at once. I recommend starting with small improvements." Dogbert continues, "First, rename the company to Stinkingweasels Inc." Dogbert continues, "The new slogan will be 'We steal in ways you've never even heard of.'" Dogbert turns to The Boss and says, "For your spokesperson, I recommend hiring a pirate with a diseased parrot." The Boss is holding a bag of money. He says to the pirate, "No?" The pirate responds, "We have standards."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2002's comic on:


Tags #latest assignment, #impossible, #slow speed of light, #perfect art, #human cloing, #eliminate garvity, #stop the sun, #reanimate dead, #impossible tasks, #change the world, #nature

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Dilbert hands a piece of paper to The Garbageman and asks, "Does my latest assignment look impossible?" The Garbageman reads the paper and replies, "Let's see... You'd need to slow the speed of light, and perfect the art of human cloning..." Dilbert asks, "So there's hope?" The Garbageman responds, "Eliminate gravity, stop the sun, reanimate the dead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2002's comic on:


Tags #vacation, #starts ten minutes, #loose ends, #reporter, #designed computer, #recycled paper

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Dilbert is sitting in his cubicle. He thinks, "My vacation starts in ten minutes." Dilbert continues to think, "I tied up all of my loose ends. I only need to walk out the door." The Boss approaches and tells Dilbert, "I told a reporter that we designed a computer made entirely of recycled paper."