New Secretary Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Secretary

View 991 - 1000 results for new secretary comic strips. Discover the best "New Secretary" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #critical code, #air traffic control, #gifted programmer, #payroll system, #dont fly, #pay day

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits at his desk and thinks, "Wally writes the critical code for our nation's new air traffic control system. The crowd is silent." Wally thinks, "Suddenly the gifted programmer employs a rarely seen strategy of 'code reuse.' The crowd goes wild." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit a table eating lunch. Dilbert asks Wally, "So you used code from the payroll system?" Wally replies, "Here's a tip: don't fly on pay day."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #test new invention, #dirty pictures, #internet, #youthful curioisty, #technical brillainace, #eyeballs, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice and Dilbert stand behind a little boy who sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Matt, your job is to test my new invention that blocks kids from seeing dirty pictures on the Internet." As Matt uses the Internet, Dilbert tells Alice, "His youthful curiosity is no match for my technical brilliance." Matt stops typing and stares at the screen. Dilbert says to Alice, "I hope that wasn't the sound of eyeballs getting really big."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #collective sex drive, #internet, #itelligence, #new technology, #smut, #time in hell, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer and Dogbert looks over his shoulder. Dilbert says, "I'm inventing a new technology to prevent kids from seeing smut on the Internet." Dogbert says, "So you're pitting your intelligence against the collective sex drive of all the teenagers who own computers?" Dilbert asks, "What is your point?" Dogbert replies, "Did you know that if you put a little hat on a snowball it can last a long time in hell?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new compensation, #bonuses paid, #top ten percent, #resigned bitter disgust, #get better jobs

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The company announced a new compensation plan today. Bonuses will be paid only to the top ten percent of the employees." The Boss continues, "In related news, 89% of the employees resigned in bitter disgust. The top ten percent also left, realizing they could get better jobs elsewhere." The Boss concludes, "This could have an impact on those of you who remain." Wally asks, "We get the bonuses?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #operating system, #dominate market, #dogbert 2000

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a table with a client and says, "If you plan to remain in the computer business you'd better bundle the 'Dogbert 2000' operating system with every unit you sell." Dogbert continues, "Otherwise, after I dominate the market you'll be last on my list to receive new products!" The man says, "You remind me of somebody . . ." Dogbert responds, "It's the glasses, isn't it?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #entire pc industry, #graphic metaphors, #microsoft logo, #pronounce differently, #dogbert 2000

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands on a book on a chair and works at a computer. He tells Dilbert, "I call my new operating system the 'Dogbert 2000.'" Dogbert continues, "Soon I will dominate the entire PC industry! Heh-heh . . ." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "It looks like 'Windows 95.'" Dogbert replies, "I use some of the same graphic metaphors, but I pronounce them differently." Dilbert asks, "How do you pronounce the 'Microsoft' logo?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new boss is posessed, #evil force, #one solution, #drive stake, #heart, #be cruel, #borrow pen, #wimpy retractable

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Alice approach Dogbert who is sitting on a desk. Dilbert says, "My new boss is possessed by an evil force. We need your advice, Dogbert." Dogbert responds, "There is only one solution. You must drive a stake through his heart." Dilbert says, "There's no way we could be so cruel!!" Alice holds up a pen and says, "Can I borrow your pen? All I have is this wimpy retractable."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #beard, #close my eyes, #crazy beard, #new boss, #pet emplyee, #spin chair

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Ted says, "As your new boss I have yet to select my 'pet' employee. I shall do this by closing my eyes and pointing the beard on my forehead." Ted sits facing away from the table with his eyes closed. He says, "To make it fair, I'll close my eyes while one of you spins my chair!" As Alice pushes Ted's chair into the stairwell Dilbert whispers, "Alice . . . Um . . . Technically this isn't 'spinning.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #promoted ted, #new manager, #new beard, #grow from forehead, #wrong, #punish them, #bad opinions

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss gestures toward Ted and says to Alice and Dilbert, "I promoted Ted to be your new manager. I used to think he looked boyish, but his new beard has changed that." Alice and Dilbert look shocked. Alice asks, "Are either of you the least bit concerned that Ted's beard is growing from his forehead?" As they walk away, Ted says to the Boss, "She made it sound as if it's wrong." The Boss says, "You can punish them for having bad opinions."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #grow a beard, #ted, #not smart enough, #grows horn

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally and Ted are drinking coffee. Ted says, "I've decided to mask my boyish looks by growing a beard." As he and Dilbert walk away, Wally says, "I didn't think Ted was smart enough to know how to grow a beard." Dilbert laughs. The caption says, "Two weeks later." Ted points to a beard growing on his forehead and says to the Boss, "How do you like my beard?" The Boss thinks, "My search for a new manager is over."