Sex With Birds Comic Strips - Page 100

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #allowing shorts, #heat wave, #cover you with tarp, #eye holes

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The Boss says, "We're rethinking our policy of allowing shorts during the heat wave." The Boss says, "Until we sort that out, I've been asked to cover you with a tarp." Dilbert thinks, "I should have fought for eye holes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #therapy, #addiction, #job posting, #dung beetlke, #epileptic cow, #disturbing imagery, #couch, #shrink, #current job, #unsatifying, #psychology

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A woman says, "How long have you been addicted to ogling online job postings?" Alice says, "It started when I realized my current job is like a dung beetle trying to mate with an epileptic cow." The woman says, "That imagery is disturbing." Alice says, "I know, right?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #keep disagreeing, #great minds, #think alike, #arrogant

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The Boss says, "My smartest employees keep disagreeing with me." The Boss says, "Which is weird because great minds usually think alike. They must be slipping." The Boss says, "Sometimes I think I'm not arrogant enough."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #position eleiminated, #performance, #not told, #position, #no explination, #just a trick, #feel less awkward, #hot replacement

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The Boss says, "Ted, your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "What? You never told me there was anything wrong with my performance!" The Boss says, "It's not about your performance. Your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "Well, that seems mighty convenient." Ted says, "This way you can replace me without explaining why I never got a bad performance review." Ted says, "is this just a trick to make you feel less awkward while firing me?" A woman says, "I thought you said he'd be gone by now." The Boss says, "Is there any comfort in knowing your replacement is totally hot?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jury selection, #big eyebrows, #dumb as you look, #manipulate, #love, #relationships

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Jury selection Dogbert says, "You with the big eyebrows, are you as dumb as you look?" A man says, "I'm not sure. I don't remember what I look like." Dogbert says, "Okay, you're in. And on an unrelated noted, I'm the only person who ever loved you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good hand, #back rub, #sling, #injured, #make me happy, #elbows

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A woman says, "Maybe later you can give me a back rub with your good hand." Dilbert says, "I don't have a good hand. But one of my elbows doesn't hurt too much." The woman says, "I feel like you're not even trying to make me happy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #thrown out window, #press charges, #security, #gunning for job, #hire for yacht, #policeman

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Dilbert says, "My CEO threw me through a fifth-floor window. I'd like to press charges." A policeman says, "Your CEO? Do you think he would hire me to do security on his yacht?" Dilbert says, "No." The policeman says, "Would he hire me if I club you with this stick-thing?" Dilbert says, "Maybe."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hit with rock, #prefrontal cortex, #hurting poepl, #natural leader, #bunk on back of head, #dont remeber

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Dilbert says, "Where am I? What happened?" Dogbert says, "Someone hit you with a rock." Dogbert says, "The swelling in your prefrontal cortex will make you care less about hurting people, thus making you a natural leader." "Dilbert says, "There's also a bump on the back of my head." Dogbert says, "That's so you don't remember who threw the rocks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology changes, #chasing knowledge, #observe, #network problem, #servers, #satisfied customer

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Asok says, "Wally, how do you keep up with all of the changes in technology?" Wally says, "Chasing knowledge is a fool's game, Asok." Wally says, "I use experience to answer questions without the burden of knowledge. Observe." A man says, "Wally, if we upgrade our servers, would that solve our network problem?" Wally says, "If the problem is the servers, yes." The man says, "I'll ask someone else." Wally says, "There goes another satisfied customer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time management expert, #evaluation, #curing cancer, #extra hours, #increase chances

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Dogbert the Time Management Expert. Dogbert says, "I can tell by looking at you that it doesn't matter what you do with your time." Dogbert says, "I don't think you'll be curing cancer if I give you a few extra hours per week." Dogbert says, "In fact, it would probably increase your chances of getting it." A man says, "Are we done? I need a smoke?"