Too Many Smart People Comic Strips - Page 100

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lower costs, #retirement package, #smart employees, #rewrite mission statement, #fit better, #retired by now

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Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "First, we'll lower costs by offering a retirement package that induces all the smart employees to leave." The Boss continues, "Then we'll rewrite our mission statement to make it fit better." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Our new mission statement is, 'If you can read this you should have retired by now." Dogbert replies, "Ouch."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #layoff planning, #fire people, #creeps, #excessive nose haor, #called doctor, #five minute meeting

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Caption reads: "Layoff Planning." Catbert sits with the Boss at a table. The Boss says, "Let's fire all the people who give us the creeps..." "...All the people with excessive nose hair and anyone who insists on being called 'doctor.'" Carol enters into the cubicle of a man with long nose hair and bug eyes. She says, "You've got a five-minute meeting on Friday, Dr. Wolfington."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #understaffed, #over worked, #stress counselor, #another manager, #massage, #meeting, #alice, #business

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Alice sits looking frazzled as the Boss says, "You're understaffed and overworked." Two people appear behind the Boss as he continues, "So I hired a stress counselor and another manager to glare at you." The stress counselor massages the Boss' back and says, "Relax...Deep breaths...There..." The manager stands over Alice glaring at her.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting to discuss, #employee retention, #employees quit, #useless meetings, #reasons, #first meetings

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The Boss comes into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "We're having a meeting to discuss employee retention." Dilbert replies, "Tell them that employees quit because there are too many useless meetings." The Boss says, "We won't be getting into reasons at the first meeting."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfectionist, #reasons to hate, #rock eroding

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk in a park. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become a perfectionist." Dilbert turns to look at Dogbert. Dogbert continues, "That way, I'll have more reasons to hate people." Dogbert and Dilbert sit down on two rocks. Dogbert turns to Dilbert and says, "Your rock is eroding wrong."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #co pilot seat, #fly 747, #pilot, #chiroparcter, #people flying plane, #commercial airline, #over booked, #random

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Dilbert stands in front of an airline desk speaking with a flight attendant. The flight attendant says, "We overbooked. But I can give you the co-pilot's seat if you know how to fly a 747." Dilbert stands in front of a long line of people and says, "Um...Yeah, okay. I can fly a 747." Dilbert is in the cockpit of a plane with another guy. Dilbert asks, "Should I do something?" The guy replies, "Beats me. I'm a chiropractor."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new things to say, #fill airtime, #let other people talk

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Dilbert and Wally stand having coffee. Wally says, "I'm running out of new things to say." Wally continues, "I'll have to start repeating myself just to fill the airtime." Dilbert replies, "You could let other people talk." Wally continues, "So, anyway, I'm running out of new things to say."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blah blah, #escape, #gnaw arm, #non stop talker, #trapped in cucbicle, #want to escape, #trapped animal, #people leave

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle as a co-worker says, "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH." Dilbert thinks to himself, "I'm trapped in my own cubicle." Dilbert looks down at his arm and thinks, "Maybe I can gnaw off my arm to escape." Dilbert stands in front of Dogbert with a bandage on his arm. Dogbert asks, "And that worked?" Dilbert replies, "People don't stick around when you start gnawing on your arm."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new motto, #dance hurts, #love money, #work when people watch, #read contract, #assign mottos, #Dilbert, #Dogbert

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Dilbert sits on the couch. Dogbert sits next to him and says, "This will be your new motto..." Dogbert continues, "Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching." Dilbert says, "You can't assign mottos to me." Dogbert replies, "You'd better read your contract."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boost earnings, #mass exodus, #doorway jam

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Dilbert and Wally sit on either side of the Boss at the conference table. The Boss says, "We're cutting back on advertising to increase earnings." Dilbert quickly turns and says, "Um...Excuse me. I'll be right back." Wally says, "Me too." There are several people piled in the doorway, stuck. A man announces into a walkie-talkie, "We got another mass exodus doorway jam."