With People Comic Strips - Page 100

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View 991 - 1000 results for with people comic strips. Discover the best "With People" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #joking, #paperback, #spend free time, #fan of clutter

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Coworker: It was a great book. I'll loan you the paperback. Dilbert: Thanks. I love it when other people decide how I'll spend my free time. Coworker: I can't tell when you're kidding. Dilbert: Paperbacks are awesome. I'm a big fan of clutter.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emergency, #lostphone, #company id, #keys, #critical folder, #self generated crisi, #dead battery, #small brown purse

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Coworker: Emergency! I can't find my phone and I"m late for a customer meeting. Dilbert: Maybe it's with your company I.D. badge that you had to drive all the way home for this morning. Alice: It might be with your keys that you lost after lunch. Dilbert: Maybe it's under that critical folder that you couldn't find before your last meeting. Alice: Maybe it's wherever you created your last self-generated crisis. Coworker: I just remembered I put my phone in my purse because the battery is dead. Has anyone seen a small, brown purse?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #poor persons, #rich people, #invented ethics, #trash talk

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CEO: Did you know that poor people invented ethics to control rich people? Nice try, poor people! It's not working! If they haven't killed me by now, a little trash talk won't make any difference.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rich people, #stock market, #victims, #insider training, #victimless crime, #rose bushes, #gardner, #money

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CEO: I did some insider trading and totally got away with it. It felt great! It was a victimless crime so I feel no guilt whatsoever. Dogbert: Do you know what victimless means? CEO: Yes. It's like the time I strangled my gardener for overwatering the rose bushes. Dogbert: I see the problem.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #work ethic, #such back, #due dates, #lazy, #incompetent, #busy, #root cause

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Coworker: I need to give you some push-back on these due dates. Dilbert: No problem. Should I tell the others you're lazy, or incompetent, or in over your head? Coworker: How about just "busy?" Dilbert: Okay. I will insist that people ignore the root cause.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #mobile (cell) phones, #humiliation, #disrespect, #company, #relationships, #business

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Dilbert: Do you mind if i check something on my phone? Woman: Why would I mind the humiliation and disrespect of being with a man who prefers the company of his phone? Dilbert: That's the sort of attitude that makes you finish second to my phone.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #automobile driving, #company car, #crazy, #data center, #directions, #gadgets, #gps directions, #gps navigation system

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Boss: Take a company car and meet a customer at our data center on Montgomery and Pine. Dilbert: I can't drive to an unfamiliar place with Alice. She'll spend the entire trip arguing with the GPS navigation system. Boss: No one does that. Dilbert: Allow me to demonstrate. My phone says we should take this route. Alice: What?! Is it crazy? We are not taking 880! Change your mind! Change your mind! Change your mind! Dilbert: It gets worse. Alice: If you listen to this liar, I will end you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #twins, #version of dlibert, #clone, #stylish and cool, #math, #ugly people, #education

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Boss: Dilbert, this is Lars. He's a better version of you. This is what you would look like if you were stylish and cool and fun to be with. Dilbert: Can it do math? Man: That will matter on the same day that all the ugly people die.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #budget, #work monitoring software, #calendar, #year 2040, #square boxes, #business

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Boss: I don't have a budget for the network monitoring software you need, so you'll have to write it yourself. Dilbert: Good plan. I'll check back with you when I'm done doing that. What's your calendar look like in the year 2040? Boss: Sort of a grid with square boxes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #apathy, #computer programmers, #preventer of information, #business case, #teamwork seminar, #goldfish crackers

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Mordac: I, Mordac, the preventer of information services, reject your business case because you used the old template. Ha ha ha! I feed on your anger and frustration! And now I will eat like a king! Dilbert: Good luck with that. I've been dead on the inside since the teamwork seminar. Mordac: Sheesh. I'm living on goldfish crackers.