Search Results for "The Boss"
Share March 29, 1995's comic on:
The Boss stands outside a row of cubicles. Wally peeks out of his cubicle and Dilbert stands in the door of his cubicle. The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our Elbonian owners sold the company to our biggest competitor." The Boss continues, "Our motto is 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'" Dilbert says, "I wonder what THEIR motto is." The Boss says, "Their motto is 'After you beat 'em, humiliate 'em.'" Dilbert says, "It's not very catchy."
Share April 03, 1995's comic on:
As Dilbert and Wally walk by, the Boss asks, "My laptop computer is locked up. Can you help?" Dilbert holds an Etch-a-Sketch over his head and shakes it. He tells the Boss, "Remember you have to hold it upside down and shake it to reboot." The Boss says, "Oh, that's right." Wally says to Dilbert as they walk away, "I wonder if he'll ever realize we gave him an 'Etch-a-Sketch.'"
Share April 04, 1995's comic on:
Pointing to a map, Dogbert tells the Boss, "Your best bet is to relocate the company to Russia." Dogbert continues, "You can hire engineers for two cents a year!" The Boss asks, "Is it difficult to weed out the dumb ones?" Dogbert says, "No. And that leads me into the good news about their occupational safety laws." The Boss says, "It's like heaven!"
Share April 06, 1995's comic on:
The Boss, Dogbert and an Elbonian sit around a conference table. The Elbonian says, "We're offering attractive incentives to companies that move to Elbonia." The Elbonian continues, "Zero taxes, cheerful slave labor, amnesty from any inconvenient laws, and absolutely no environmental regulations!" The Boss asks, "Is that the best you can do?" The Elbonian hands a baby across the table and says, "Here, use my first born son as a lawn ornament."
Share April 08, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert looks a tape measure and tells the Boss, "Just as I thought, my cubicle is two inches smaller today than yesterday!" The Boss says, "We installed real-time status adjusters in the cubicle walls. Sensors monitor your work and adjust the cubicle size according to your value." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in cubicles that are so small they can barely fit inside them. Wally says, "It's amazing how fast you get used to it."
Share April 11, 1995's comic on:
The Boss, Dilbert and a male employee sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "Okay, so we shipped a million keyboards that don't have the letter 'Q.' What do we do?" The man says, "We could offer free upgrades to users who can prove they need a 'Q.'" The Boss asks, "How many users need a 'Q?'" The man answers, "Well . . . there's the royal family . . ."
Share April 14, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert, the Boss and Dilbert sit around a conference table. Dogbert says, "You shipped keyboards with no letter 'Q.' The public wants somebody to take responsibility." The Boss raises both arms and shouts, "Ooh ooh, pick me, pick me!!" Dilbert says, "Responsibility means blame." The Boss says, "Great . . . It's like the time I got burned on that 'opportunity' assignment."
Share April 15, 1995's comic on:
The Boss stands in front of a camera and Dogbert sits in a director's chair. Dogbert hands the Boss a script and says, "Stick to the script. Act sincere and beg your customers to forgive you." The Boss looks into the camera and reads, "It was wrong for us to sell keyboards with no 'Q.' We're sorry. We're morons." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch watching the Boss's television commercial. In the advertisement, the Boss says, "We're dumber than squirrels. We hear voices and do what they command. I have broccoli in my socks." Dilbert says, "Good writing." Dogbert responds, "Thanks."
Share April 24, 1995's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "We've got a lot of empty cubicles because of downsizing." The Boss points to Dogbert, who is wearing a hard hat and holding some plans, and says, "I hired the Dogbert Construction Company to convert part of the office into prison cells which we'll lease to the state." Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Sounds like a big job." Dogbert responds, "Nah. A little paint, new carpet and we're there."
Share April 27, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Effective immediately, we will no longer use our spare cubicles to house convicts." Wally raises his fist and says, "Yes!!! Our opinions mattered!" The Boss says, "Actually it's because the prisoners complained." Wally and Dilbert walk down the hall past a cubicle. Dilbert says, "I wonder what he plans to do with spare cubicles now." They cannot see that there are pigs inside the cubicle.