Anything You Want Comic Strips - Page 100
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1000 Results for Anything You Want
View 991 - 1000 results for anything you want comic strips. Discover the best "Anything You Want" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday December 28,
2015
Boss Asks Wally To Talk To School
Tags #gender, #feminism, #technology, #Women, #obliviousness, #bad idea
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I need you to talk to my daughter's school about careers in stem fields. Wally: Why me? Boss: All the good people are busy. Wally: Fair enough. Boss: We want to fix the gender imbalance. Wally: I'll wear my good shirt.
Tuesday December 29,
2015
Wally And Gender Balance
Tags #career, #Advice, #gender, #technology
Transcript
Boss: What did you say to my daughter's class about stem careers? Wally: I told the boys to pursue restaurant work because it's a better way to meet women. Boss: That's messed up. Wally: You said you want gender balance, and now you have it.
Thursday January 07,
2016
Does It Matter If The Spreadsheet Is Wrong
Tags #idea, #reality, #accuracy, #creative accounting, #numbers, #math, #error, #excel, #spreadsheet, #education
Transcript
Alice: What are the odds that you made this complicated spreadsheet without any critical errors? Boss: Does it matter, as long as it gives me the answer I want? Alice: It should. Boss: But ask yourself if it does.
Saturday January 09,
2016
Engineer Touches Spreadsheet
Tags #numbers, #budget, #obliviousness, #approval, #disease, #contagious, #managers, #executives, #accuracy, #fantasy
Transcript
CEO: I approve this project based on your boss' spreadsheet calculations. His calculations must be accurate because an engineer handed them to me. Is that all you need? Dilbert: I need a hug, but I don't want to catch whatever caused all of this.
Thursday January 28,
2016
Carol And The Terrorist
Tags #terrorist, #terrorism, #racist, #race, #muslim, #assume, #assumption, #accuse, #accusation
Transcript
Carol: I hear you're a terrorist sympathizer. Asok: What? No! I'm not even close. I don't want to hate you! Please stop radicalizing me! Carol: Sweating, agitated, he looks suspicious to me. Asok: Who are you talking to???!
Friday January 29,
2016
Dick Acuses Asok
Tags #internet, #comment, #troll, #bait, #terrorism, #terrorist, #accuse, #accusation, #forum, #technology
Transcript
Dick From The Internet. Dick: I hear you're a terrorist sympathizer. Asok: Noooo! That is a racist rumor. Dick: You must be guilty or you wouldn't be denying it so hard. Just admit you want to kill me. Asok: Now I do want to kill you!!!
Saturday January 30,
2016
Asok Not A Terrorist
Tags #terrorist, #terrorism, #extremism, #frustration, #racism, #accusation, #accuse
Transcript
Boss: Did you threaten to kill Dick? Asok: He accused me of being a terrorist! Boss: Are you? Asok: Gaaa! I just want to blow up this whole building! Boss: Um... I need to make a call. Asok: It better not be about me!
Sunday February 07,
2016
Tags #demands, #bosses, #unrealistic, #frustration, #outburst, #catch-22, #travel, #air travel
Transcript
Boss: Carol, move my flight one hour earlier Friday. Carol: Do you have any idea how hard that would be? I know it sounds easy, but it won't be. Not at this late date. Not with all your pickiness. When I fail, you will think I didn't look hard enough for a new flight. I can't prove a negative, so I will forever suffer your disdain. My career is ruined. Boss: Never mind! Forget it! Why is it so hard to ask you to do anything? Carol: I've been telling people you're stupid, but I'm open to other theories.
Wednesday February 17,
2016
Dilbert Gets Ready To Babysit
Tags #parent, #Parenting, #babysitter, #babysitting, #children, #listening, #Family
Transcript
Dilbert: Is there anything I need to know before I babysit your kids tonight? Carol: They won't do anything you ask, and they don't respond to threats or consequences. Dilbert: So... what am I supposed to do? Carol: Try finding some idiot to babysit for you.
Sunday March 20,
2016
Tags #technology, #coding, #code, #control, #efficiency, #purpose, #job, #red tape, #business
Transcript
Mordac: Step away from that open source code! Dilbert: Why? Mordac: Because I am Mordac, The Preventer of All Efficient Solutions in the Information Technology Realm. Dilbert: That isn't an actual job. Mordac: I was hoping it was. I lost the file with my job description. That was five years ago. I've been winging it since then. My parents taught me that I could be anything I wanted to be. And I wanted to be this. So don't use that code! Dilbert: Not even when you turn around?