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I need help making unrealistic assumptions to support a business case for a bad idea. "Easy." "There's a hole in the back of our wardrobe closet that leads to a magical world of preposterous business assumptions." "We don't have a wardrobe closet." "Assume we do."

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The Land of Unrealistic Business Assumptions $ GOLD (Take Some) "Suddenly I feel as if anything is possible." "Hello! We're the consumers who have extraordinarily bad judgment!" "I need more than three of you." "The hole's a thousand miles deep. The others thought it would be a good idea to come early." "Ow! Ow!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #written in stone, #actual stone, #stone tablet

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We're supposed to have our budget approved by Tuesday but that's not written in stone. "Yes it is. I have it right here." "It was kind of lucky because this is the only one I brought to the meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project wombat, #project manager, #inviting me, #expertise, #knowledge of expertise

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Yesterday I had a great meeting about Project Wombat. "What?!" "I've been managing that project for six months! How can you have a meeting without inviting me?!!" "Have you noticed that meetings go smoother without any knowledge or expertise?" "Kinda."

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Topper "I had to carry over three weeks of vacation." "That's nothing!" "I carried over so much time that they had to create a new month and name it after me!" "Shut your pie hole!" "It looks as if someone is having a bad topperuary."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #trash, #unemployed, #self-esteem, #society

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Dilbert: Now that I'm unemployed, I don't feel like a valuable member of society. GarbageMan: Consider this bag of garbage. It too is unemployed and yet it is worthy of love. Dilbert: I don't love it. Man: That's too bad because no one else will date you now.

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"Dilbert, meet your new coworker, Mister Serdecisions." "Call me Lou." "Can you cover for me tomorrow while I put shelf paper in my kitchen cabinets?" "Tomorrow is our project kickoff meeting." "Good lord, man! I can't put dishes on wood?"

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Can you bring me up to speed before we go to the meeting? "No. You can't fit two gallons in a thimble no matter how fast you pour." "Wait a minute...Which one of us is the thimble?"

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"Welcome to the monthly meeting of insane chicks." "Our speaker today is Betty, and her topic is 'All the people who are intentionally hurting us.'" "The breakout session is titled 'How to turn your imaginary problems into real ones.'"

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"I want you to write a business case for lobbying our government to attack Elbonia." "In the risk analysis section, do you want me to assume that hell is real or imaginary?" "Real. But remember to discount the infinite future flows of agony to the present so it doesn't look so bad."