Boss Life Story Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Boss Life Story

View 991 - 1000 results for boss life story comic strips. Discover the best "Boss Life Story" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #Astrology, #furniture, #magic, #feng shui, #black magic, #voodoo, #psychic, #overbooked, #office design, #occult

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The feng shui consultant you asked for is overbooked. But I found a guy who is heavily into astrology, black magic, and voodoo. Boss: Are you trying to tell me something? Dilbert: Ask him. He's also a psychic.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #better job, #goldilocks zone, #managers, #marinate in own stench, #monster, #skills expire, #technology certifictae, #training, #your training

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #monkeys, #big picture, #motivated, #monkey, #assignment, #eating banana, #imitating monkey, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I would feel more motivated if I knew how my assignment fits into the big picture. Boss: You don't need to be motivated. A monkey could do your assignment while eating a banana. Like this. Ooh-ooh-ooh! Dilbert: I think we're moving in the wrong direction.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #public opinion, #feedback, #idea, #smart people

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What feedback have other people given you on your idea? Dilbert: Smart people like it. Everyone else asks me what other people think.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #libertarianism, #standards meeting, #elbonia, #legal, #meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, I need you to attend a standards meeting in Elbonia. Wally: Heh, heh. A lot of things are legal in Elbonia that aren't legal here. Boss: Are any of you not libertarians? Wally: Heh, heh, heh.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #telephones, #reprogrammed speed dial, #cellphone, #calls himself, #intelligence test, #hold on, #failed intelligence test, #20 minutes

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I reprogrammed our pointy-haired boss/ speed dial on his desk phone. Now every time he tries to use speed dial, it calls his own cellphone. It's like an intelligence test. I want to see how long it takes him to figure it our. Boss: I'd better take this. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hold on. Hold on. For the hundredth time, don't tell me to hold on! I'm telling you to hold on! Carol: Twenty minutes so far.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #country, #etiquette & ethics, #meeting, #mens restroom, #sacred, #sacred shrine, #travel, #elbonia, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How was your meeting in Elbonia? Wally: Awesome! Did you know that the most sacred shrine in Elbonia looks exactly like a men's restroom? Boss: No. Wally: Right. So don't blame me for not knowing.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2012's comic on:


Tags #minerals, #moons orbit, #rocket boosters, #science fiction, #asteroid, #precious metals, #afghanistan

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Rocket boosters will move an asteroid into the moon's orbit so we can mine its precious metals. Boss: Why don't we mine for precious metals in Afghanistan? They have lots of them. Dilbert: That only happens in science fiction.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #universities & colleges, #cost analysis, #data centers, #good investment, #college, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do a cost analysis for consolidating our data centers. No matter what the data says, make sure your conclusion is that it's a good investment. Dilbert: Remind me why I went to college. Boss: Some liar probably convinced you it was a good investment.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2012's comic on:


Tags #fraudulent analysis, #total betrayal, #shareholders, #rational beghavior

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I finished the fraudulent analysis you requested to support the decision you already made. It's a total betrayal of shareholders and a slap in the face for anyone who values rational behavior. Boss: Thanks. That's exactly what I wanted. Dilbert: You're welcome.