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View 991 - 1000 results for boss says not real comic strips. Discover the best "Boss Says Not Real" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spam filter, #self aware, #managing the company, #messages, #allow through, #email, #hair growth

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Dilbert says, "Our spam filter has become self-aware" Dilbert says, "It's managing the company by deciding which messages to allow through." The Boss says, "All I'm getting is e-mail about hair growth and... ooh, another lucky guess."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #murderous ramopage, #robots, #issue on agenda, #next meeting

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Dilbert says, "Our robots have gone on a murderous rampage." The Boss says, "I'll put that issue on the agenda for our next meeting." Dilbert says, "Ha ha! You're an issue!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robots went bad, #murderous ramapage, #unfahionable, #overpaid, #robots, #fist of death, #stuck

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The Boss says, "Our robots went bad. They're on a murderous rampage." Dogbert says, "I'll take care of it." Dogbert says, "Hey, Alice. Guess who says your hair is unfashionable and you're overpaid? Robots." Alice says, "Little help, please. My fist of death is stuck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #costume, #meeting, #scapegoat, #senario set up, #luck, #business

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Dilbert the scapegoat The Boss says, "I need you for a meeting with my boss." The Boss says, "About five minutes, into the meeting I'm going to start punching you. With any luck, my boss will join in." Dilbert says, "Maybe that shouldn?t be called luck." The Boss says, "Okay...Skill. Whatever."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #firings, #hell, #satan, #trip, #executive retreat, #downsize, #someplace warm, #pool

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The Boss says, "Carol, book an executive retreat so we can figure out which one of you to downsize." The Boss says, "Find us someplace warm." The Boss says, "Do you have a pool?" the devil says, "You could call it that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #annoyance, #business trip, #humor, #pleasure, #offsite meeting, #beelzebub inn, #disgruntled underling book

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Wally says, "Where's our pointy haired boss?" Carol says, "He's at an offsite meeting to decide who to lay off." Carol says, "Don't worry. I booked the meeting at the Beelzebub Inn. No one has ever returned from there." The Boss says, "If you don't like the accommodations, next time have your own disgruntled underling book a place."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bookings, #frustration, #hell, #trip, #wasn't hotel, #flyer to hell, #swarm of locusts

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The Boss says, "That hotel you booked for the management offsite meeting wasn't actually a hotel." The Boss says, "I'm fairly sure it was the foyer to hell." Carol says, "What gave you that idea?" The Boss says, "Our concierge was a swarm of locusts!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #firing, #frustration, #rudeness, #profits falling, #worthless sack of monkey spit, #birds ate brain, #regurgitate pellets

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The Boss says, "Ted, profits are falling. I have to downsize you." Ted says, "You worthless sack of monkey spit! I hope the birds that ate your brain regurgitate pellets down your neck!" Ted says, "I have lots more, but I don't want to burn any bridges."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quantifying, #liar, #thief, #overseeing work

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The Boss says, "Maybe someone can help you quantify the value of your research and development work." Dilbert says, "The only people who can quantify the value of researcg are liars and morons." The Boss says, "Maybe we could hire a consultant." DIlbert says, "That just turns a liar into a thief."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lazy, #not working, #admitting, #patience

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Wally says, "I think my single point of contact died." Wally says, "I haven?t heard from him for three months. I don't know the name of his projec or any other people on it." The Boss says, "What have you been doing for three months?" Wally says, "Are you implying that patience is not a virtue?"