Clean Desk Award Comic Strips - Page 100
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1000 Results for Clean Desk Award
View 991 - 1000 results for clean desk award comic strips. Discover the best "Clean Desk Award" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday February 29,
2008
Tags #300 iq, #computer, #convincing people, #desk, #evil director, #human resources, #nobel prize, #track record, #unix, #technology, #business
Transcript
Catbert, the evil director of human resources, posts a job opening. Requirements: Candidate must have an I.Q. of 300, two centuries of unix experience and a track record of winning nobel prizes. "90% of my job is convincing people they don't deserve theirs."
Monday March 24,
2008
Tags #flatten hair, #important document, #option, #put on head happy, #unique filing, #clutter
Transcript
Dilbert: Where can I put this important document so it won't get lost in your desk clutter? Carol: I'll flatten my hair so you can leave it on top of my head. Are you happy? Dilbert: I didn't know happy was an option."
Friday August 01,
2008
Tags #legal fees, #lawsuit, #fee is 100%, #analog, #lawyer, #legal
Transcript
Dilbert says, "How much do I owe you in legal fees for helping me win my lawsuit?" Dogbert says, "My fee is 100% of the jury award plus I get to call you names that sound worse than they are." Dilbert says, "That doesn't seem fair." Dogbert says, "You're an analog."
Thursday September 18,
2008
Tags #head explode, #one more thing, #clean up, #aisle three, #work, #over worked, #crazy
Transcript
The Boss says, "Ted, I know you said your head would explode if I ask you to do one more thing, but..." POW! The Boss says, "Cleanup on aisle three."
Wednesday January 27,
2010
Tags #e-mail, #urgent, #sitting, #desk, #computer, #flames, #eclipse, #cell phone, #witless protection program, #hoax, #duped, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert says, "The urgent e-mail you forwarded to the entire company is a hoax." Dilbert says, "People don't really burst into flames if they use their cell phones during an eclipse." Dilbert says, "And more bad news: The witless protection program isn't a real thing."
Tuesday February 02,
2010
Tags #meeting, #letter, #ceo, #reading, #good fortune, #share, #winery, #wine, #angry, #helicopters, #human chess board, #frighten, #dwarves, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Our CEO wants to share his good fortune with all employees." The Boss says, "He invites all of you to visit his winery and buy his non-award-winning wine at nearly retail prices." The Boss says, "He asks that you not park your helicopters near his human chess board because it frightens the dwarves."
Monday March 08,
2010
Tags #coworker, #request, #people, #project, #generic advice, #sitting at desk, #tail wagging, #hate, #angry, #replace, #inspire
Transcript
Dogbert the Generic Manager Man says, "We need more people on the project." Dogbert says, "Figure it out. Work smarter not harder. Make a plan. Move some things around. Adjust priorities. Just get it done. Give me a status report." Man says, "That did nothing but make me hate you." Dogbert says, "I can replace you with someone who will pretend to be inspired."
Wednesday July 28,
2010
Tags #statue of liberty, #destroy, #pr, #responsibility, #clean up, #new york harbor, #light show, #weapon demo, #consultant, #cuba, #air force, #sink, #yell, #angry, #private jet, #head, #business
Transcript
Dogbert the public relations consultant Dogbert says, "So you accidentally destroyed the Statue of Liberty?" Dogbert says, "Her head is floating toward Cuba, and the president will probably order the air force to sink it." CEO says, "I should watch that from my private jet." Dogbert says, "FOCUS!"
Monday September 06,
2010
Tags #clean up, #janitor, #crime scene, #push broom, #deadly computer explosions
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I got transferred to our crime scene cleanup subsidiary." Dilbert says, "I have a competitive advantage because I have the customer lists from our other subsidiaries." Man says, "No, we haven't had any deadly computer explosions here." Dilbert says, "I'll check back in an hour."
Wednesday September 08,
2010
Tags #cleaning, #janitor, #crime scene, #overalls, #assistant, #excited, #squeegee, #brains
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Ratbert, would you like to be my assistant in the crime scene cleaning profession?" Ratbert says, "Me?!" Ratbert says, "You had me at 'brains and squeegees.'" Dilbert says, "I didn't say any of those words." Ratbert says, "Would it kill you to say them now?" Dilbert says, "If it does, you can clean me up."