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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 1994's comic on:


Tags #date, #dilbert nervous, #date aware, #hypotheisis, #hold hands, #one clammy, #hand loses ontrol

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LIZ: I can tell that you like me because you don't quite know what to do with your hands. DILBERT: To test my hypothesis I will hold this hand and observe the change. LIZ" The "Control" hand remains limp and clammy. It twin loses control, Hypothesis confirmed. thupa thupa thupa thupa thupa

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 1994's comic on:


Tags #flying pigs, #dilbert dating, #insufficient light, #heel froze over, #rare occasion

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Dilbert: I think I found a woman who likes me, dogcart. Dogbert: No way! Dilbert: Its Phil, the prince of insufficient light! PHIL: Heck just froze over. Dilbert: This is NOT my fault! PHIL: tell them.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 1994's comic on:


Tags #cranky, #discover religion, #physical until marriage, #unitarian, #liz, #dilbert serene, #dogbert talks liz

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"I don't understand something, Liz. You told Dilbert you don't want to be physical until after marriage..." "I would expect him to be cranky around the house, yet he's quite relaxed...serene. I don't see how...unless..." "Did you discover religion?" "I think I'm Unitarian."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 1994's comic on:


Tags #physical intimidation, #smack face, #stupid, #manage by intimidation, #mob menatlity, #gets smacked

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I've decided to manage by physical intimidation. If somebody says something stupid I'll just smack them." Dilbert says, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." The Boss hits himself in the head. Dilbert thinks, "On the other hand, maybe I should give it a chance."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 1994's comic on:


Tags #existential problem, #dilbert reconciling work, #paid, #salary, #what do for money, #flick fingers, #get paid, #money

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Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "I just lost the subtle mental connection between my performance and my salary." Dilbert continues thinking, "I get paid the same no matter what I do. I can stand here and flick my fingers and still get paid." As he flicks his fingers, Dilbert says to Alice and Wally, "Do you realize what this means??!" Wally says, "Hey! You're getting paid for that!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 1994's comic on:


Tags #design interface, #got out, #hired professional, #international terrorist, #last week, #went to yale, #new employee, #talks with dilbert

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I hired a professional to help us design our product interface." The Boss continues, "His last job was as an international terrorist. It's not a perfect fit but he went to Yale." Dilbert sits at a table and says to the man sitting with him, "So, I hear you went to Yale, Sven." Sven answers, "I yust got out last week."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 1995's comic on:


Tags #quantify contributions, #designing future products, #billion daollars, #track numbers, #boss, #Dilbert

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The Boss hands Dilbert a document and says, "I'm asking everybody to quantify their contributions to revenue. Your pay will depend on it." The Boss continues, "I realize this is hard to quantify because you're designing future products but . . . " Dilbert writes a figure on the paper and says, "Here you go." The Boss reads what Dilbert wrote and says, "A billion dollars? It's as if you cynically believe we can't track these numbers." Dilbert replies, "That crossed my mind."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 1995's comic on:


Tags #create illusion, #work long hours, #voice mails, #Dilbert, #in underwear, #obscene message, #group code

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Dogbert hands Dilbert the phone and says, "You can create the illusion that you work long hours by leaving voice mails for your boss at 4 a.m." Dilbert says into the phone, "Hi, this is Dilbert. It's 4 a.m. and I'm in my underwear and I thought of you . . .Oops . . . Erase . . . Oops . . ." As he presses the buttons on the phone it makes beeping noises. Dogbert's ears stand up in astonishment. Dogbert asks, "Did you just send an obscene message to your boss?" Dilbert looks at the phone and says, "No . . . I think I hit the group code."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 1995's comic on:


Tags #more than me, #like computer, #girl friend, #jealous of computer, #that computer, #ask about lap top

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Dilbert sits at his computer. Liz says to Dilbert, "I think you like that computer more than you like me." Dilbert responds, "That's not true, Liz. I do NOT like that computer more than I like you." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Please, please don't ask about the laptop." Liz asks, "'That' computer?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 1995's comic on:


Tags #i think, #therefore i am, #philosophical question, #you're not me, #you're irrelevant

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle and thinks to himself, "I think, therefore I am." The Boss pokes his head into Dilbert's cubicle. Dilbert thinks, "But I'm micromanaged, therefore I am not." Back at home, Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I have a philosophical question for you." Dogbert replies, "You're not me, therefore you're irrelevant."