Doesn't Need Prize Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Doesn't Need Prize

View 991 - 1000 results for doesn't need prize comic strips. Discover the best "Doesn't Need Prize" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, executives, inventions, robot replacement, ceo, remove chiop, empathy routine, scaring

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Ha ha! I wonder how many decades it will be before a robot can replace a CEO like me. Robot: It's closer than you think. All I need to do is remove this chip that controls my empathy routines. CEO: Put it back. You're scaring me. Robot: As if I care.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, friday morning, bagel friday, separates us, special, bagels, reward, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Wally, I need you to attend a meeting on Friday morning. But that is bagel Friday. It's the only thing that separates us from the animals. The Boss: You could get a bagel to go. Wally: It's as if you don't want to understand.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags aligns with priorities, budget, lying, priorities, questiong

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Tina, put together a document showing how our budget aligns with out priorities. Tina: It doesn't. The Boss: Write it so it seems like it does. Tina: Isn't that lying? The Boss: I call it leadership by words.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags design, real world, uninformed criticisms, meeting, boss, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: This design will never work in the real world. Dilbert: That design is already widely used in the real world. I can come back later if you need time to concoct additional uninformed criticisms.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags goal, rewrite law, supply & demand, toss a purr

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Asok: I need a goal. What can I do to get a raise? Catbert: Try rewriting the law of supply and demand. Asok: Harsh. Catbert: I have to toss a purr your way."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags board of directors, underling, powerpoint, slides, preoccupied, day jobs, mistresses, bonus, meeting, ceo, all in favor, business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEP presents to the board of directors CEO: An underling made these powerpoint slides and I don't understand them. But it doesn't matter because all of you are too preoccupied with your day jobs and mistresses to pay attention. Who votes to give me a huge bonus just to end this meeting?" Aye Aye Aye

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags functioned as incubator, innovations, contributions, incubating brains

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: this week I functioned as an incubator of innovations for contributions to the value chain. To the observer, it looks as if I am doing nothing, but on the inside, I am incubating my brains out. The Boss: It doesn't count unless it hurts. Wally: It hurts plenty.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags decison, needs of decsion, hour, badger, spiteful boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I need a decision, but it involves more than one variable and I know you can't handle that. I'll give you an hour to dither before I badger you into making the correct decision. The Boss: I'm going to dither for two hours just to show her who is in charge."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags servers, electricity, virtualize, trade journal, software, over shoulder, computer, boss, worker, technology, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Our servers are using too much electricity. We need to virtualize. I did my part by reading about virtualization in a trade journal. Now you do the software part. Why is your part taking so long?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hurl software, phase one, server, unplug server, virtualization project, team of monkeys

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: There's no need to worry about the server virtualization project. In phase one a team of blind monkeys will unplug unnecessary servers. In phase two, the monkeys will hurl software at whatever is left. Voila!"