Employee Meeting Comic Strips - Page 100
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1000 Results for Employee Meeting
View 991 - 1000 results for employee meeting comic strips. Discover the best "Employee Meeting" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 22,
2010
Tags #meeting, #definition of success, #slowing of failure, #rate of doing nothing, #improve, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "The company is happy to annouce that compaired to previous years, we improved our rate of revenue decline." The Boss says, "We've been doing great since we redefined success as a slowing of failure." The Boss says, "Moving on. Who has a status report?" Wally says, "I improved my rate of doing nothing."
Tuesday April 27,
2010
Tags #complain, #annoyed, #ted, #fire, #surprise, #meeting, #sit down, #lie, #wide eyes, #business
Transcript
Wally says, "I spent the entire week cleaning up the mess that Ted left after you fired him." Ted says, "I didn't get fired. I'm right here." Wally says, "I guess it's just his word against mine."
Tuesday May 04,
2010
Tags #meeting, #technology service, #hospice, #bazooka, #hold gun, #intimidate, #compassion, #surprise, #scared, #computer, #windows xp, #technology, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "I hired the Dogbert Technology Hospice Service to ease the suffering of our dying technology." The Boss says, "Dogbert will use compassion and? what was the other thing?" Dogbert says, "Bazooka." Dogbert says, "Step away from the Windows XP!"
Friday May 07,
2010
Tags #evil director of human resources, #payroll expenses low, #bad reviews, #employees, #defects, #list, #faults, #alphabetical, #business
Transcript
Catbert says, "We can keep our payroll expenses low by giving employees bad reviews." Catbert says, "Use this list of employee defects so you don't repeat yourself. It's less obvious this way." The Boss says, "Awkward, bumbling, cowardly, dumb?" Dilbert says, "My faults are suspiciously alphabetical."
Friday May 28,
2010
Tags #tired, #exhausted, #research, #lie, #avoid work, #lab report, #meeting, #write down, #science, #business
Transcript
Wally says, "I'm exhausted from all of the basic research I'm doing." Wally says, "It's too bad that the value of my work won't be quantifiable for another ten years." The Boss says, "I'd like to see your lab report." Wally says, "So? the new rule is that we write down stuff?"
Wednesday June 02,
2010
Tags #meeting, #presentation, #slide show, #names, #trademarked, #hand motion, #crotch area, #wide eyes, #shocked, #gross, #point, #war criminals, #nicknames, #partnerless loving, #business
Transcript
Dilbert says, "This next slide shows all of the possible names for our product that are not already trademarked." The Boss says, "Are there any that don't remind people of this general area of the human body?" Dilbert says, "That narrows it down to the names of accused war criminals, and the funnier nicknames for partnerless loving."
Wednesday June 09,
2010
Tags #meeting, #technical jargon, #lame, #condescending, #integration layer, #insult, #head, #business
Transcript
Wally says, "This week I mapped our applications to our domains and defined the interface between our applications and our software environment." Wally says, "Whatever you did this week probably seems lame compared to all of that." Wally says, "The stuff I'm doing is way up here in what's called in the integration layer." The Boss says, "What's he's been reading?"
Thursday July 01,
2010
Tags #meeting, #project, #coordinate, #give up, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Make sure you coordinate with the brand manager and the category manager." The Boss says, "And also the clients, the account execs, the project leaders, strategic planning, facilities management, product managers, marketing, and I.T." Dilbert says, "All I heard was 'give up.'" The Boss says, "Let's meet again in a year."
Friday July 02,
2010
Tags #rolling forecast, #worthless, #sarcasm, #meeting, #snork, #laugh, #drink coffee, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "I've decided to move to a rolling forecast." Dilbert says, "So, the problem is that forecasts are worthless, and your solution is to do more of them?" Dilbert says, "If my sarcasm is a problem, I can solve that by doing more of it." Wally says, "SNORK"
Saturday July 10,
2010
Tags #public speaking class, #meeting, #habits, #personalities, #robots, #Fun, #sarcastic, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "I'm sending all of you to a public speaking class." The Boss says, "They will rid you of your nervous habits? and, with any luck, your personalities too. You will become indistinguishable from robots." Alice says, "Is that as fun as it sounds?" Asok says, "Get out of my head!"