Field Support People Comic Strips - Page 100

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View 991 - 1000 results for field support people comic strips. Discover the best "Field Support People" comics from Dilbert.com.

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"Yes, do that right away." "Do what?" "Can I ignore e-mail from people who don't include my original message in their reply?" "Yes, and you can hate them, too." "90% of happiness is picking the right ethicist."

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Dogbert's tech support "Try turning off your router, your modem, and your computer." "Now turn off your air conditioning, your lights, and your water heater. Unplug your microwave and defrost your refrigerator." "You're very thorough." "Cancel your garbage service, renounce your citizenship, and yank out your phone."

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Dogbert's tech support "Give me a list of all the software and hardware you're using." "Now sit there like a sheep while I randomly select a product from the list and tell you it's the problem." "What if I know it isn't?" "That will matter less than you'd imagine."

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"I represent the law firm of Dogbert, Dogbert, and more Dogbert." "Your company's web page steals people's cursors and puts them in your own search field." "And my suit is too tight. When you put it all together, I might have to kill you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #simulation, #productivity, #workforce, #pandemic

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The Boss: Run a simulation of our productivity if we lost half our workforce to a pandemic. Dilbert: "Should I assume we lose the productive people or the people who ask other people to run pandemic simulations?" The Boss: "Try both ways?" Dilbert: "Okay. I'm done."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #senior engineer, #lead engineer, #pay is same, #disrespect you, #magic

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The Boss: I'm promoting you from senior engineer to lead engineer. "The pay is the same but people will disrespect you less." Dilbert: "Including you?" The Boss: "It's not magic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #totally correct, #time under budget, #give up features, #shoebox falloff yarn, #yarn is free, #open door policy, #serious threat, #new design

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Dilbert pokes his head into the boss's office and says: "You were totally correct." Dilbert says to the boss: "We can develop the product on time and under budget." Dilbert says to the boss: "All we have to do is give up some features." Dilbert says to the boss: "For example, the original design called for a scalable wide area network switch..." Dilbert says to the boss while extending his arms: "...with multiprotocol support and full network diagnostics." Dilbert shows a sheet of paper to the boss and says: "The new design calls for a shoebox full of yarn." The boss is looking at the sheet of paper while Dilbert says to him: "So we're in good shape...assuming yarn is free." The boss says to Dilbert: "You're a serious threat to my open door policy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #grossly underpaid, #Dilbert, #work for money, #valuable, #money, #challanges, #work for challenges, #exchange

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Dilbert says to the Boss, "I'm grossly underpaid. I want a raise." The Boss replies, "Oh, Dilbert, Dilbert, Dilbert." Dilbert responds, " What? What? What?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "People don't work here for money." The Boss continues in an enthused voice. "They work here for the challenge!" Dilbert answers, "If challenges are more valuable than money..." Dilbert continues, "Why don't you give me your money and I'll give you my challenges." After a moment of silence, Dilbert says "Well?" The Boss thinks to himself, "I must kill him before he infects the others."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asbestos, #ceiling, #no worries, #disturbed, #plan to be disturbed

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The Boss: The facilities people tell me there's asbestos in the ceiling. They say you don't need to worry about it unless it gets disturbed. They plan to disturb it today.

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"Wally, too many people are asking me for things. How can I set priorities?" "Wait until everyone is yelling at you and then help whoever makes the scariest threat on any given day." "Is that what you do?" "No, I tell people to go ask you."