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View 991 - 1000 results for how much cut comic strips. Discover the best "How Much Cut" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doomed projects, #fake mergencies, #more efficient, #unnecessary meetings, #to do list

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Sitting at his computer, Dilbert thinks to himself "This to-do list will make me more efficient." Dilbert continues thinking to himself, "I have three fake emergencies, two doomed projects, four unnecessary meetings..." At home, Dilbert says to Dogbert "I figured out why you never ask me how my day day went." Dogbert replies, shooing Dilbert away with one hand, "Off you go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #key to success, #really fast, #speed, #ok to fail

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Pointing to a picture of a man running, the Boss says to his staff "Speed is the key to success." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Is it okay to do things wrong if we're really fast?" The Boss answers, "Um...no." Wally says to Dilbert, "Now I'm all confused. Thank you very much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad performance review, #tape measure, #measure twice

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The boss is at a table flanked by Dilbert and Wally. The boss says, "My philosophy is: measure twice.." The boss continues, "Then cut twice, then uh..." Wally says, "Give the tape measure a bad performance review?" Dilbert giggles, "Hee hee!..Ooh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #300 times, #coffee, #Funny, #jokes, #not funny, #sugar

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Wally and Alice are at the coffee machine. Alice is putting packets of sugar in her coffee. Wally says, "Why don't you have a little coffee with your sugar, Alice?" Wally continues, "Heh, heh. It's funny because it's ususally the other way around." Wally, alone, thinks, "I don't see how something can be funny 300 times but 301 times."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dozen, #dysfunctional families, #dysfunctional recruitment, #recruit emloyees, #trunk

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Dogbert is standing on the boss's desk. Dogbert says to the boss, "You need 'Dogbert's Dysfunctional Employee Recruitment Services.'" Dogbert continues, "I only recruit employees who were raised in dysfunctional families. They don't mind being mistreated!" The boss says, "How soon can you get me some?" Dogbert says, "I have a dozen in the trunk of my car."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fired everyone, #used the internet, #personal stuff, #wrinkle, #policy, #web

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Catbert is standing on the boss's desk. Catbert says, "I fired everyone who used the internet for personal stuff." Catbert continues, "The only wrinkle in that policy is that you and I are the only employees left." Catbert says, "And frankly, I use the web for personal stuff too." The boss says, "Can you teach me how?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #one vote, #cpr, #heimlich maneuver, #two votes, #yelling boo, #drill hole, #below

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Asok the Intern is down and his legs are sticking straight up in the air. Dilbert says to Wally, Alice and The Boss, "Okay, we have one vote for using CPR, one vote for the Heimlich Maneuver..." Dilbert continues, "And two votes for sneaking up behind him and yelling 'boo'." Dilbert, Wally, Alice and The Boss look at Asok lying on the floor as Dilbert says, "I don't see how we can get behind him." The Boss says, "What if we drill a hole from below?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfromance review, #say its good, #rub in face, #expectations

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Dilbert asks The Boss, "Is that what you wanted?" The Boss answers, "I'm not saying." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If I tell you it's good, you'll rub it in my face at your performance review." Dilbert says, "I'm sorry." The Boss says, "See how you are?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #casula dress, #encourage flirtatious, #ladies concentrate, #seater, #turtleneck, #warning cones

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Wally says to The Boss, "I worry that casual dress days encourage flirtatious behavior." Wally says, "I mean, look how adorable I am in my turtleneck sweater. How are the ladies supposed to concentrate?" Wally says to The Boss, "Do you think I should put warning cones around my cubicle?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #free for lunch, #remind myself, #lucky, #laziness, #personality, #looks, #renaissance loser, #psychology

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Wally is reading the newspaper as Dilbert looks in Wally's cubicle and asks, "Wally, are you free for lunch?" Dilbert says to Wally, "I need to remind myself how lucky I am that I don't have your laziness or personality or looks." Wally asks Dilbert, "Would you say I'm kind of a Renaissance loser?"