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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new product, #defective, #kill, #recall, #fix, #overalls, #bleach, #scrubby brush, #shake hands

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The Boss says, "I have a new job for you. Our product is defective and it's killing customers." Dilbert says, "You want me to organize a recall?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "Engineer a fix?" The Boss says, "No." The Boss says, "You'll need overalls, several barrels of bleach and some sort of scrubby brush."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2010's comic on:


Tags #cleaning, #janitor, #crime scene, #overalls, #assistant, #excited, #squeegee, #brains

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Dilbert says, "Ratbert, would you like to be my assistant in the crime scene cleaning profession?" Ratbert says, "Me?!" Ratbert says, "You had me at 'brains and squeegees.'" Dilbert says, "I didn't say any of those words." Ratbert says, "Would it kill you to say them now?" Dilbert says, "If it does, you can clean me up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new product, #block of wood, #ceo, #salesman, #high forehead, #inneundo, #leader

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Dogbert says, "Your product is nothing but a piece of wood. You need a charismatic pitchman to make gullible consumers buy it." Dogbert says, "Normally that would be your job as CEO. Unfortunately, you remind people of a giant?" CEO says, "Leader?" Dogbert says, "Exactly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #new boyfriend, #coworker, #angry, #jack, #clench fist, #engineer, #social, #engineering

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Alice says, "Dilbert, meet my new boyfriend, angry Jack." Alice says, "People say my high level of engineering skill comes at the cost of good social judgment." Dilbert says, "Alice, his name is Angry Jack." Alice says, "I think he wants to hold my hand now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 2010's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #complaint, #cat, #lunch, #clean room, #loofah, #french bread, #itch back, #animals, #business

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Catbert says, "I'm getting a lot of complaints about you eating your lunch in the clean room." Catbert says, "And people don't like it when you use a loofah in there." The Boss says, "That's my french bread. And I can't help it if my back itches."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #heart attack, #bad boss, #swedish study, #fall over, #feet up, #dead, #surprise, #business

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Wally says, "A Swedish study in 2009 showed that people with bad bosses had 40% more heart attacks." Coworker says, "Aaak!!!" Wally says, "I should want you that I'll probably tell this story a few times."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 14, 2010's comic on:


Tags #masters forum, #share knowledge, #across dsiciplines, #insulted chairperson

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Woman says, "Would you like to be part of a masters forum to share knowledge across disciplines?" Dilbert says, "No. The only people who will be there are the ones who don't have anything better to do. I try to avoid people like that." Woman says, "I'm the chairperson." Dilbert says, "I'll get a lot done that day!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 09, 2009's comic on:


Tags #order, #demand, #email, #internet, #annoyance, #technology

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The Boss says, "Carol, send an e-mail to the department with my leadership thought of the day." Carol says, "What is it?" The Boss says, "I'm busy. Make up something." 'That which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So please slap me in my fat, bald head.'

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #business, #plan, #revenue, #excitement, #hair, #money sign

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Vijay, the world's worst venture capitalist Dilbert says, "A hundred million people need this type of service." Dilbert says, "I already built the website and people are signing up." Foop! $ Vijay says, "When we negotiate my equity stake, focus on my poker face and not my optimistic hair." Yeeha!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sales, #economy, #ridiculous, #business

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Dilbert in sales Salesman says, "We had to be more creative because of the soft economy." Salesman says, "now we kill our customers and replace them with body doubles who place big orders." Customer says, "Who's the handsome new sales guy?" Salesman says, "He's you in about ten minutes."