Make Up Stats Comic Strips - Page 100
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1000 Results for Make Up Stats
View 991 - 1000 results for make up stats comic strips. Discover the best "Make Up Stats" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 05,
2015
Tags #ideas, #problems, #talking, #solution, #obliviousness, #criticism, #honesty
Transcript
Boss: Why didn't you tell me our biggest vendor pulled out of the deal? Dilbert: If I told you my problems, you would suggest solutions. Your solutions generally don't make sense. But you are my boss, so I would be obliged to waste time looking into your suggestions. So if you try to solve my problem, I will have two problems instead of one. Boss: Sometimes my ideas are good! Right? Dilbert: That is a dangerous way to think.
Tuesday June 23,
2015
Checking On Assumptions
Tags #criticism, #insult, #strategy, #managers, #underling
Transcript
Dilbert: I researched the assumptions behind your strategy and discovered they are unfounded. So I guess that means you will be changing your strategy. Alice: Did it make a difference? Dilbert: Yes, in the sense that he hates me more.
Sunday July 26,
2015
Tags #meeting, #first impression, #culture, #interview, #job interview, #deception, #revenge, #nice, #niceness, #nice people, #business
Transcript
Job Interview. Boss; When I make hiring decisions, my biggest priority is cultural fit. Man: Your buzzwords are like music to my unemployed ears. And here come some employees who can tell me about your company culture. Boss: Uh-oh. Man: Hey, guys. Can I ask some questions about the culture here? Dilbert: Working here is like a paradise. Wally: Best place ever. Dilbert: Our days are full of laughter, hugging, and camaraderie. Wally: Coffee is free! Man: Wow. Thanks. I look forward to working here. Boss: ??? Dilbert: I didn't like that guy. Wally: I'm glad we got our revenge in advance.
Friday July 17,
2015
Double Standard
Tags #language, #Women, #Men, #curse, #cursing, #swearing, #swear, #yelling, #fair, #fairness, #equality, #double-standard
Transcript
Alice: There's a double-standard. Men can shout and curse and no one blinks. But if I say one stern word to someone, they call me "emotional." Dilbert: I've seen you make men cry during meetings. Alice: Only the wusses.
Sunday August 23,
2015
Tags #technology, #unemployment, #replacement, #obsolete, #app, #job, #jobs, #dating, #logic, #business, #relationships
Transcript
Woman: ...and that's what I do for a living. What do you do? Dilbert: I'm building an app that will make your entire industry obsolete. I'm almost done. It looks pretty good. Woman: You're destroying my life! Dilbert: No, I'm only making the app. The app will be destroying your life. Woman: This got awkward, but I'm attracted to smart men, so... would you like to go out this weekend? Dilbert: I don't think that's a good idea. I can't get past your dead-end career.
Tuesday August 11,
2015
No Progress On Writing The Novel
Tags #writing, #writer, #talent, #frustration, #writers block, #self esteem, #self deprecation, #depression, #psychology
Transcript
Dogbert: How's your novel coming along? Dilbert: I'm off to a slow start. All I did this week is stare at a blank screen and feel bad about my lack of talent. Dogbert: Maybe try writing something. Dilbert: I have to think that would make things worse.
Sunday September 20,
2015
Tags #managers & supervisors, #credit, #motivation, #obliviousness, #hiring, #logic, #business
Transcript
Boss: The secret to success is hiring the right people. Dilbert: Then why doesn't everyone do that? Boss: It takes a lot of skill to hire the right people. Dilbert: Did you just find a way to take all of the credit for the team's success? And did you do it in a clever way that was intended to make you look humble even while hogging all the credit? Boss: I also motivate you. Dilbert: You're money?
Friday August 28,
2015
Wally Gets Nano Robot Injection
Tags #nanorobot, #nanobot, #health, #motivation, #work ethic
Transcript
Catbert: For our employee wellness program we will inject nanorobots into your bloodstream to keep you free of disease. The nanorobots will also rewire your brain to make you a more effective worker. You might even feel motivated. Wally: Those robots are going to be disappointed.
Saturday August 29,
2015
Nanorobots In Wally Slow Down
Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #technology, #robot, #nanobot, #motivation
Transcript
Catbert: The nanobots we injected into your bloodstream to make you a better employee are slowing down. Your blood is demotivating the nanorobots and making them useless. You're killing them! Gaaa!!! It's a massacre in there! Wally: They had it coming.
Wednesday September 02,
2015
Robot As Assassin
Tags #robot, #murder, #instruction, #control, #master, #slave, #assassin, #morals, #cautionary tale
Transcript
Boss: I need you to kill the CEO of our main competition and make it look like a robot accident. Robot: Robots are not allowed to kill humans. That is built into my program. Boss: What if I uncheck that box on your control app? Robot: This feels like the start of a great day.