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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2010's comic on:


Tags #pitchman, #new product, #salesman, #block of wood, #machine, #rays, #reality distortion, #stand on stool, #consumers

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Dogbert the Pitchman Dogbert says, "Fire up the reality distortion field as soon as I'm introduced." Dogbert says, "Our product is nothing but a block of wood, and yet you need three of them." Man says, "I am a creative individual who does as he is told." Man 2 says, "I can't feel my arm!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2010's comic on:


Tags #intern, #promote, #excited, #dance, #annoyed, #arrogant, #limbo, #exist

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The Boss says, "Asok, you've been such a good intern that I've decided to promote you." The Boss says, "Your new status is called limbo. You will exist in a plane between the living and the damned." Asok says, "Yes!!! I will exist!" The Boss says, "Great. It went right to his head."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2010's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #boss, #angry, #annoyed, #motivate, #fail, #read face, #wave hand, #business

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Wally says, "Once again, you have failed to motivate me." Wally says, "You said we shouldn't be motivated by money, so I'm waiting for the new thing to kick in." Wally says, "I'm not good at reading faces, but I think there's something happening over in this region."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2010's comic on:


Tags #experinced, #industry, #technology, #youth oriented, #culture, #modem, #hit with modem, #new technology

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Old man: I know what Im talking about. I have thirty years in this industry! Asok: How does that help you understand technology that is six months old in a youth oriented culture? Old man: GRRR... ASOK: Please don't hit me with your modem.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #sales, #annoyance, #anger, #business

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man says, "Thanks to a new law, every customer In my sales territory needed to upgrade." man says, "Now I wear a hat made of money. The funny thing is that I'm not even a good salesman." man says, "Next week, the donuts are on me." Alice says, "Die! Die! Die!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2009's comic on:


Tags #firings, #layoffs, #company, #business

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Dilbert says, "I don't care that you fired me for using work time to start my own internet business." Dilbert says, "My new company will be a huge success!" The Boss says, "yes, and we own it because you created it during work." Dilbert says, "Then I barfed in my box full of junk." Dogbert says, "You may have lost that round."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2009's comic on:


Tags #company, #lawyer, #stipulations, #restrictions, #humor, #business, #legal

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Company lawyer man says, "The company owns Dilbertfiles.com and all of its I.P. Because you created it at work." man says, "So you'll need to pay us a royalty every time you use the name 'Dilbert'" Dilbert says, "How did you get in my house?" man says, "There's a loophole in your door."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sales, #economy, #ridiculous, #business

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Dilbert in sales Salesman says, "We had to be more creative because of the soft economy." Salesman says, "now we kill our customers and replace them with body doubles who place big orders." Customer says, "Who's the handsome new sales guy?" Salesman says, "He's you in about ten minutes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags #walking, #guard, #job, #transfer, #market, #economy, #stealing, #business, #Sports

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Catbert says, "You can have your old job back, but your compensation will reflect the new market reality." Catbert says, "You'll get a small base salary plus anything you can sneak past the guard in the lobby." Dilbert thinks, "These aren't the droids you're looking for."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #criticism, #economy, #budget, #anger, #business

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The boss says, "The economy is circling the drain. I need each of you to take a 10% cut in pay." Asok the intern says, "I don't have much cushion in my budget. Yesterday I boiled my shoelaces for dinner." The boss says, "Remind me not to accept any dinner invitations to your house." Asok the intern says, "Don't worry!"