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View 991 - 1000 results for new system comic strips. Discover the best "New System" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #depressed, #corporate job, #intern, #unimportant tasks, #feel nothing, #stressed, #ptsd, #punch, #numb out

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Asok: My job is an endless series of mind-numbingly unimportant tasks. "My central nervous system is starting to atrophy." The Boss: "I'm kind of busy." Asok: "Punch me in the head so I can feel something."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #automated sytem, #arbitrary deadline, #work smarter, #not harder, #sense of urgency, #get work done

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Dilbert: "I can't develop an automated testing system by the arbitrary deadline you set." The Boss: "Try working smarter, not harder, with a sense of urgency, and a bias for action." Dilbert: "Or maybe you could do something differently." The Boss: "I'm not the one who can't get his work done."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presidential candiditae, #funny haired one, #social policies, #exact opposite, #tax plan, #bad plan, #make out, #like intelligent men, #she lied

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Dilbert asks Tina, "Which presidential candidates do you like?" Tina replies scratching her head, "I strongly favor the one with the funny hair. I forgot his name." Dilbert says, "His social policies are the exact opposite of your views." Tina answers, "Really?" Tina says to Dilbert, "Well, I like his tax plan." Dilbert replies, "Every credible economist thinks it's a bad plan." Tina answers, "Oh." Dilbert says, "It's a good thing we talked before you polluted the system with your vote." Dilbert then asks Tina, "Do you want to make out?" Dilbert arrives at home and explains to Dogbert, "She claimed to like intelligent men, but she lied."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #baby cio, #meeting, #diapers, #nature calls, #big words, #very advanced, #baby, #infany, #genius, #smart, #talks, #business

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ALICE: have you met the new CIO? Dilbert: No. Alice: I hear he's young. New Cio: Hello. We need to integrate our enterprise resource planning with our existing E-commerce platform. Now if you'll excuse me. Nature Calls. AAAHHH.... Then we'll decentralize the procurement function and....hold on a second. Gramps could you do me a huge favor?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Your lawyer threatened to sue if I fire you for gross incompetence. So I decided to let you stay. "And we've moved to an alphabetical system for awarding 'Employee of the Month'. This is your month." "Stupid alphabet."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job opening, #research and development, #escape the mismanaged, #futility, #current job, #boss has similar idea

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Dilbert: There's a job opening for an engineer in research and development!" "It's a chance to escape the mismanaged futility of my current job and live the dream!" The Boss: Hey, there's an opening for a new manager of research and development!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Jeff, the human ashtray "Watch out for that hole in the ground!" "That's not a hole. It's just a dark spot on the floor from some of your ash falling there." "Oh." "I can't tell the difference between my ash and a hole in the ground." "Dilbert, did you meet your new boss?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"When you're done researching new technology, I want you to inventory our furniture." "When do you think you'll be done?" "When will you forget you asked me, and assign the furniture project to someone else?" "Two weeks." "I'll be done in 15 days."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #office workers, #unpaid intern, #resort fee, #work experience, #zips eyeholes, #leather hood

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Tina: Are you the new upaid intern? Coworker: No, but that's what I aspire to be. I'm merely an intern to another intern. And I pay a resort fee just to use the restroom. Tina: At least you get valuable work experience. Coworker: Until he zips the eyeholes on the leather hood I wear in meetings.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #engineers, #loud howard, #topper, #hatred, #passive aggressive

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Boss: I'm putting you on a project with Loud Howard, Topper and the new guy who loves the sound of his own voice. Dilbert: Is it because you hate me? Boss: Not at all. It's because I hate the other three guys.