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View 991 - 1000 results for office too far comic strips. Discover the best "Office Too Far" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ceo Says Coronavirus Is Hoax

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Ceo Says Coronavirus Is Hoax  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #sarcasm, #suspicion, #virus, #pandemic, #hoax

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CEO: The coronavirus is a hoax. It is no more dangerous than a common cold. Dilbert: It's almost as if you are inviting the universe to smite you. CEO: Don't jinx me! Dilbert: It's far too late.

Boss Is In A High Risk Group

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Boss Is In A High Risk Group - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #criticism, #health & safety, #office workers, #sarcasm, #virus, #pandemic, #risk

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Carol: Are you worried about coronavirus because you're in a high-risk group? Boss: Why would I be in a high-risk group? Carol: Do you own a full-length mirror? Boss: No. They make me look fat.

Wally Borrows Money

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Wally Borrows Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #danger, #health & safety, #money, #office workers, #social distancing

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Wally: I heard you are not practicing social distancing. Can I borrow some money? CEO: What does social distancing have to do with borrowing money? Wally: I like borrowing money when I might not have to pay it back.

Why Use Tests

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Why Use Tests - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #diseases, #health & safety, #medical, #office workers, #sarcasm, #pandemic, #virus, #diagnose

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Dilbert: No face mask? Boss: I have antibodies for the virus. I'm pretty sure I had the virus last January when I had a throat tickle. Dilbert: I wonder why virus test kits exist when we can just ask people if they had it. Boss: I was wondering the same.

Need Boss To Make Decision

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Need Boss To Make Decision - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #boss, #decision, #engineering, #knowledge, #marketing, #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology

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Dilbert: We need your help making a decision. Jeff doesn't understand my product strategy because he isn't an engineer. And I don't understand any of his marketing nonsense. That's why we came to you. Boss: Because I understand both marketing and engineering? Dilbert: No, it's because you don't understand either one. We didn't have a coin to flip, and your decisions are totally random, so... Boss: Maybe you could describe the situation. Dilbert: I don't see how that helps.

Wally Has Symptoms

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Wally Has Symptoms  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lie, #office workers, #sickness, #pandemic, #virus

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Wally: My throat has a tickle, so I'd better take a month off of work. The coronavirus tests can have some false negatives, and I love you too much to put you at risk. Dilbert: Did it work? Wally: No, I sold it too hard.

Face Mask Assissination

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Face Mask Assissination - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health & safety, #office workers, #suspicion, #pandemic, #virus, #risk

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Carol: I think we should seriously consider ending the face mask policy. Boss: You know I'm in a high-risk group, and you are in a low-risk group. Are you trying to assassinate me? Carol: You can't prove that. Boss: I was hoping for something closer to a denial.

Bead Of Sweat

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Bead Of Sweat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health & safety, #idea, #nervous, #office workers, #sickness, #virus, #paranoia, #pandemic

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Man: What do you think of my idea? Dilbert: To be honest, I didn't hear a word of it. I spent the whole time being worried about that bead of sweat on your forehead. Man: It's warm in here! Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be a thousand yards in that direction.

Confident Wrong Guy

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Confident Wrong Guy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #confidence, #employees, #insults, #obliviousness, #office workers, #sarcasm, #hire

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Boss: I hired a guy who is always wrong, yet he is inexplicably confident. Alice: Why? We already have one of you. Boss: I don't know what you meant by that. But I am confident it is wrong.

Dating In The Age Of Coronavirus

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Dating In The Age Of Coronavirus - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attractive, #contract, #covid-19, #dating, #eyes, #goodnight, #kiss, #lawyers, #mask, #masked, #negotiations, #office workers, #single, #technology

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carol: it must be difficult to be single in the age of covid-19. dilbert: it's not too bad, actually. i'm in contract negotiations with a semi-attractive women i met online. with any luck, i will be enjoying a double-masked goodnight kiss by late next month. that assumes our lawyers don't make too many changes to the contract. carol: did you just say she is only semi-attractive? dilbert: i'm judging from the parts i can see. i don't know what's under the mask and shower cap she wears all day. carol: you must like her eyes. dilbert: i like the one i can see. the other one has a patch.