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1000 Results for Only Non Engineeer

View 991 - 1000 results for only non engineeer comic strips. Discover the best "Only Non Engineeer" comics from Dilbert.com.

New Military Project

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New Military Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #name, #weapon, #semantics, #language

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Boss: My staff is threatening to quit because of our military contracts. CEO: Tell them we only work on defensive weapons. Boss: It might help if we changed the project name from "City-killing Laser In Space." CEO: How about "Skylight?"

Haircut On Company Times

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Haircut On Company Times - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #hair, #haircut, #time, #break

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Boss: Wally, do you have a minute? Wally: No. I have to get a haircut. Boss: You can't get a haircut on company time. Wally: I'm only cutting the hairs that grew on company time. Boss: How do you know which ones grew on company time? Wally: It's always hairs three and five.

Answering Questions In Email

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Answering Questions In Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #male employee, #email, #questions

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Male Employee: Why did you only answer one of my seven questions in my email? Dilbert: I'm penalizing you for asking too many questions in a long rambling email. Male employee: Jerk. Dilbert: That'll cost you three questions.

Candor Monster

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Candor Monster - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #carol, #radical candor, #therapy, #criticism, #monster

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The Boss: My new system of using "radical candor," is working out great. I've been criticizing people all morning and only three of them went into therapy over it. Now I turn my candor to you. Carol: Die, monster!

Medical Phone Calls

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Medical Phone Calls - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #alice, #the boss, #doctor, #medical, #phone call, #boils, #conversation

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The Boss: Hello, Doctor. Alice: Ugh. Can you please not have medical conversations where I can hear them? The Boss: Relax. It's only some projectile boils and their milky payload. Alice: I hate you.

Slavery Or Work

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Slavery Or Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Wally, #Dilbert, #alice, #succeed, #nitpick, #slavery, #choice

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The Boss: We can only succeed if every one of you gives one hundred percent. Wally: I don't mean to nitpick, but wouldn't that technically be slavery? The Boss: No, because you have a choice. Wally: Didn't you just say the other choice is failure?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #test, #scripts, #software, #project, #hardware, #tests, #version, #final, #release, #volunteering, #testing, #player

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The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.

Crypto Key

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Crypto Key - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #Wally, #cryptocurrency, #wallet, #disappeared, #private, #key

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CEO: I put five thousand dollars into the cryptocurrency wallet you created for me and it disappeared! You're the only other person who knew my password and private key. Wally: That's not true. I shared them with Dilbert to create reasonable doubt.

Punishing For Others

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Punishing For Others - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #employment, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #salary

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Boss: We've decided to level the organization. This means a slight pay cut for senior engineers such as yourself, but I hope you'll be a team player. Dilbert: Are you punishing me for the mediocrity of others? Boss: Only indirectly.

Tons Of Experience

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Tons Of Experience - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #employment, #interviews, #lying, #managers & supervisors, #experience

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Boss: We only hire people who have experience. Man: How can I get experience if no one wants to hire inexperienced people? Boss: We do hire liars. Man: Oh, good. I have tons of experience.