Plan For Ceo Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Plan For Ceo

View 991 - 1000 results for plan for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Plan For Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

Yoga For Posture

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Yoga For Posture - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags yoga, posture, dating, attraction, Women, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't know what to do about my bad posture. Dogbert: Try yoga. Dilbert: Ooh, good idea. That will also improve my odds of meeting an attractive yoga-loving woman. Man: That was my plan too, but the full-stack guys gut here early and scared away the yoga women.

View more books now

Fifty Slide Presentation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, tasks, presentation, expectation, unrealistic, obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags election, voting, technology, fraud, cheating, vote, Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?

People Are Terrible

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
People Are Terrible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hate, human error, interpersonal, introvert, misanthropy, people, antisocial

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What's the biggest risk with your plan? Dilbert: It's people. They're terrible once you get to know them. Boss: Then don't get to know them. Dilbert: I tried that with you and it didn't work.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags expectations, unrealistic, project, group, laziness, prediction

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When do you expect to finish your project? Dilbert: Never. Boss: That's your plan? Dilbert: No, my plan is to be done in a week. You asked me what I expect. I base my expectations on the quality of people you assigned to my project without asking my opinion. The time-wasters outnumber the productive people on the team by three to one. Under that scenario, plus your total lack of leadership, the world will end before this project does. Boss: Then why is your plan to be done in a week? Dilbert: Because you don't like it when I tell the truth. Boss: Let's compromise on two weeks. Dilbert: Can we set those two weeks on auto-renew?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, overanalyzing, asking out, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: Do you want to go to dinner and a movie with me on Friday? Dilbert: That plan is poorly conceived. The best time to watch a movie is also the best time to eat. And what are the odds we want to see the same movie? You're a picky eater, so it would be a nightmare to decide where we both want to eat. One of us would have to compromise, and I assume it would be me. I'm offended by your offer to suboptimize my Friday experience. Woman: Do you have a better option? Dilbert: Nope. See you Friday.

Deciding Which Liar You Prefer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Deciding Which Liar You Prefer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags choosing, choices, voting, election, Politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't decide if I want to vote for the liar with the budget plan that doesn't add up or... the other liar with a budget plan that doesn't add up. Dogbert: Have you tried using your ignorance to figure out which one is lying the least? Boss: Ooh, that could work.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags goals, accomplishment, consciousness, death, achievement, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Do you have any long-term goals? Wally: Just death. Dilbert: Death isn't a goal. Wally: It's the best kind. This way, I can go out as a winner. With my last breath, I plan to do a fist pump and yell, "I did it!" What's your long-term plan? Dilbert: I plan to use brain imaging technology to map my mind. Then I'll create a digital copy of myself to live forever in a software simulation. Unless I already did. Wally: Give yourself a fist pump, just in case.

Biggest Obstacle

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Biggest Obstacle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, honesty, success

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: What is your biggest obstacle to success on this project? Dilbert: It's you. It's always you. Should I add that to the business plan? Boss: Let's keep it general.

Addictive Apps

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Addictive Apps - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, app, zombie, mindlessness, cell phone, marketing, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our plan is to use design psychology to make our apps more addictive. Ideally, we want to strip people of their free will and turn them into mindless upgrading zombies. Dilbert: I'd feel better if we called that "marketing." Boss: I need you to be more mindless, too.