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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 2009's comic on:


Tags #lying, #bidders, #cost, #invoice, #bid, #crooked

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Dilbert says, "This invoice is for twice as much as your bid." The Man says, "Duh. You wouldn't have given us the job if we told you how much it was really going to cost." Man says, "If it makes you feel any better, all of the other bidders lied too. We're just better at it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 2009's comic on:


Tags #artist, #struggling, #bills, #art, #abstract

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Man says, "I work here to pay the bills but I'm actually an artist." Dilbert says, "Wow. You must be a terrible artist if you have to work here just to eat." Man says, "My work isn't commercial." Wally says, "It's not really art if no one likes it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 29, 2009's comic on:


Tags #communicating, #stress, #infuriating, #impossible, #answering, #convoluted

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Morgan: The man with no communication skills Dilbert says, "Did you get results from the stress tests yet?" Morgan says, "Stress tests have to be performed under controlled conditions." Dilbert says, "Has anyone ever explained to you the yes-no form of questions?" Morgan says, "Is it my turn to talk?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2009's comic on:


Tags #communicating, #vague, #ignoring, #meeting, #stare, #nonsensical, #business

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Morgan:The man with no communication skills Morgan says, "They decided to do option one." Dilbert says, "Who is "they"? What is option one? And are they testing or implementing?" Morgan says, "You just earned yourself a creepy stare until the topic changes." The Boss says, "Okay, moving on..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #eating & drinking, #lunchtime, #trivial decions, #lose faith, #humanity, #no hope, #vending machine, #fatasize, #competent coworkers

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Man says, "Dilbert, would you like to join us for lunch?" Dilbert says, "Where are you going?" Man says, "We haven't decided." Dilbert says, "In that case, no." Dilbert says, "I can't stand watching a small group of people trying to make a trivial decision." Dilbert says, "It makes me lose all faith in humanity." Dilbert says, "Food doesn't taste as good when you have no hope." Dilbert says, "I'll just get somehting from the vending machine and fantasize that my co-workers are competent." Dilbert says, "Let's see... what goes well with an unrealistic worldview?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #exhibitions, #barf bag, #consumer electronics show, #new product cooler than anything, #weighs an ounce

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Alice says, "I see you have your giant-sized barf bag. You must be going to the consumer electronics show." Dilbert says, "Yup." Dilbert says, "Every time I see a new product that is cooler than anything we're working on, I'll go to the bag." Man says, "And it only weight one ounce!" FOOMP!!! At the show

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2011's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #social network, #stategy, #global supply chain

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Wally says, "I can't help you because I'm busy working on a social network strategy for our global supply chain." Man says, "That sounds like something that no one wants and no one needs." Wally says, "That's probably why it's taking so long."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dismissive and insulting, #eduction, #experience needed, #insulting answer, #snake mittens, #rejected idea

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Man: What do you think of my idea? " Dilbert: It won't work. MAN: Why not?" Dilbert; Do you want the long answer that you won't understand because you possess neither the experience nor the education needed? Or the dismissive and insulting answer that has the advantage of being quick? Dilbert: Another advantage of the insulting answer is that you can tell people I rejected your idea because I didn't think of it myself. Man: I guess I'll take the insulting answer. Dilbert: Fine. Your idea is dumber than snake mittens. What do you have against snake mittens?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #brilliant ideas, #carnage, #honesty, #ignorance, #ludicrous ideas, #mean spirited, #mistaken self image, #roll eyes, #share project, #verbally demolish

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Alice, I'm hoping we can work together on this project in the spirit of cooperation. I'll have some ideas, and you'll have some ideas, and together we can pick the best ones. Alice: Sure, that's one approach. But I prefer to exhale deeply and roll my eyes while you prattle. Then I will verbally demolish your ludicrous ideas, and dismantle your mistaken self-image as a competent man. The carnage will create a striking contrast for the warm, clear glow of my brilliant ideas. Later, I will round out the package by spreading amusing stories about how ignorant you are. Is there any chance of doing it my way? Alice: Now watch the eyes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #technology changes, #chasing knowledge, #observe, #network problem, #servers, #satisfied customer

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Asok says, "Wally, how do you keep up with all of the changes in technology?" Wally says, "Chasing knowledge is a fool's game, Asok." Wally says, "I use experience to answer questions without the burden of knowledge. Observe." A man says, "Wally, if we upgrade our servers, would that solve our network problem?" Wally says, "If the problem is the servers, yes." The man says, "I'll ask someone else." Wally says, "There goes another satisfied customer."