Selfish Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 100
1000 Results for Selfish Dogbert
View 991 - 1000 results for selfish dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Selfish Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dogbert stands on The Boss' desk. Dogbert says, "You need to hire people who won't be a threat to you." Dogbert hands The Boss a pamphlet and says, "The Dogbert Recruiting Agency specializes in the placement of clueless people with bad hair." The Boss replies, "I don't know... They still look threatening." Dogbert says, "Perhaps I can interest you in our cadaver program."
Headline: Dogbert Consults. Dogbert says to The Boss, "If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day." Dogbert continues, "But if you teach a man to fish, he will buy an ugly hat." Dogbert continues, "And if you talk about fish to a starving man then you're a consultant."
Dilbert says to a jury, "I will prove that my client is too dumb to embezzle." Dogbert continues, "Or, failing in that, I'll prove that you're too dumb to know he did it." The judge starts, "Mister Dogbert..." Dogbert interrupts, "Don't get me started about you."
Dilbert and Dogbert are walking outside. Dogbert says, "I plan to sell an anti-itch lotion that's really just honey." Dogbert continues, "I'll put a disclaimer on the bottle that says, 'Might cause itching.'" Dogbert continues, "And then I'll sell my customer list to bears." Dilbert responds, "That's not nice."
Headline: Dogbert the Headhunter. Dogbert says to a client, "Let me tell you how good my CEO placements have been." Dogbert continues, "An astonishing fifty percent of them have performed better than the other half!" Dogbert continues, "If you're on a budget, I recommend one of our stuffed CEO units with a 'Magic 8 Ball' head."
Dogbert sits at a desk. He says into the phone, "This is Dogbert the Headhunter. I noticed that your company's stock is up today." Dogbert continues, "As CEO, you can take credit for random upturns and make millions by changing jobs." Dogbert continues, "Ha, ha! Yes, it's legal. In fact, if you write a book, your victims will buy it!"
Headline: Dogbert the Headhunter. Dogbert is meeting with a client. He says, "We'll need to reword the CEO section of your resume." Dogbert continues, "For example, there's never a right time to use the word 'plundered.'" Dogbert continues, "And instead of 'suckers ignored our P/E ratio,' say you 'enhanced stockholder value.'" The client replies, "Wow. You're good."
Headline: Gaming Commission. Dogbert and Ratbert are sitting at a table. Dogbert says into a microphone, "My concept is a casino exclusively for morons." Dogbert continues, "Imagine a room full of oblivious dolts, and I'm taking advantage of them for personal gain." A woman on the commission asks, "When would that concept begin?" Dogbert replies, "About a minute ago."
DOGBERT CONSULTS Dogbert: "To survive, you must create disruptive innovations that redefine the market." wally: "Does that mean the same thing as 'sell things people want'?" Dogbert: "There's one big difference." wally: "You only get paid if you say it in a funny way?" dogcart: "I like to think disruptively innovative."
Dogbert consults Dogbert: "You should offer your customers easy financing." "That disguises the true cost of your products so you can price-gouge and people will thank you." "How much are we paying you?" "I'm leasing my advice to you." "Thank you."