Stay At Job Comic Strips - Page 100

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Stay At Job

View 991 - 1000 results for stay at job comic strips. Discover the best "Stay At Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice Won't Shake Hands

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Won't Shake Hands - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #presentation, #germs

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss attempting a handshake: great job on the presentation. alice: i prefer to avoid contact with that festering germ colony you call a hand. the boss: okay. better safe than sorry. alice: and could you face backward when you talk to me?

View more books now

Wally Needs A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Needs A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #system, #architect, #Promotion, #pay raise

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: our new system installation is a catastrophe. wally: we need to tear it out and re-architect it from scratch. wally: i'm the only person qualified to lead that effort. wally: but given the enormity of the job, i won't do it without a raise or promotion. the boss: weren't you the cause of the catastrophe? wally: exactly: that's why i'm the only person who knows how to fix it. the boss: are you blackmailing me? wally: no, it's nothing like that. the boss: wouldn't i be rewarding you for failure? wally: let's not label it.

Be More Like Alice

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Be More Like Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complain, #office, #office workers, #pay raise

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i can't give you a raise because you didn't do anything noteworthy this year. dilbert: it only seems that way because i'm so good at my job that i make it look easy and never complain. alice visually upset and yelling: my job is a nightmare!!! the boss: why can't you be more like alice?

Chatting With The Ceo

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Chatting With The Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #ceo

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i saw you chatting with our eco. what was that all about? dilbert: we were talking about what a great job you do. dilbert: you believe that, right? the boss: seems plausible.

Paying The Replacement More

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Paying The Replacement More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #pay raise

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: if i were to quit, you would have to pay my replacement more than you are paying me. dilbert: wouldn't it be more fair to give me a raise to stay? the boss: how would that be fair to your replacement?

Keyboard Tapping

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Keyboard Tapping - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #office, #office workers, #sleeping, #multi-task

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: why do i hear a keyboard tapping every time i'm talking? click, click, click. alice: i have to multi-task when you talk, just to stay awake. the boss: please stop doing that. alice: okay... - zzzzzz-zzzzzz-zzz...

Winners Never Quit

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Winners Never Quit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #sarcasm, #inspirational quotes

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: i'm not having much luck with my inspirational quotes, but i thought i would try one more time. the boss: "winners never quit, and quitters never win." dilbert: when ted quit, you gave him a raise to stay. the boss: these work better when you don't think about them.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #office, #rules, #quotes, #chaos, #purchasing

View Transcript

Transcript

purchasing manager: i can't approve this purchase without three vendor quotes. dilbert: only two companies in the world make this sort of product. purchasing manager: if i bend the rules for you, everyone will want me to bend the rules. dilbert: maybe you could only bend the rules when it makes complete sense to do so. purchasing manager: that would be chaos. Purchasing manager: everyone thinks they have a good reason to bend the rules. dilbert: is the real problem here that you were bullied in school, and you use this job for some sort of sick revenge. purchasing manager: now you need four vendor quotes.

Layoff Package

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Layoff Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #buyout

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.

Jargon Cancelling Headphones

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Jargon Cancelling Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doctor, #doctors' offices, #office, #office workers, #prescription, #headphones, #jargon

View Transcript

Transcript

doctor: looks like you have a bad case of jargon poisoning. doctor: i'll write you a prescription for jargon-canceling headphones. they translate jargon words to normal words. office worker: let's stay in our swim lane while the tiger teams get buy-in on the verticals. dilbert hears this with headphones: nothing, nothing, nothing.