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View 991 - 1000 results for sued last job comic strips. Discover the best "Sued Last Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #embarras myself, #emotional meltdown, #panicked, #public speaking, #substance abuse, #worry

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Dilbert: I'm panicked about my presentation tomorrow. Wally: Relax. What's the worst that could happen? Dilbert: Well, I could embarrass myself in a career-ending way. Wally: Oh. I didn't think about that one. It might be so bad that you can't even get a recommendation for a future job. Then you'd have an emotional meltdown followed by substance abuse, untreated health issues, and a lonely death. And it could all happen because of something as trivial as a typo on one of your slides. I guess I can add "comforting" to my list of things I'm no good at.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #work ethic, #headhunter, #soften up, #sqaut

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Wally: I'm a headhunter and I know someone who wants to offer you a much better job. Phone: Yes! Wally: I like to soften the room before I go for my performance review. I didn't do squat this year. Boss: Doesn't matter to me!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inventions, #automate, #drone, #send drone, #designed, #hydrogen, #wool sweater, #humanity

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Boss: I found a way to automate the hardest part of my job. I used to do a log of "management by walking around." It was exhausting. Now I just send my drone. I designed it myself and had it built in Elbonia. The hydrogen makes it lighter than air. Dilbert: Hydrogen? Boss: Let's see what Ted is up to. He's wearing a wool sweater today. Ted: Oh, the humanity! Boss: Hold this.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #cruelty, #thinking, #thought diversity, #meeting, #fad, #business

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Boss: I'm looking for thought diversity in my hiring. That's a thing now. Alice: Really? That's a dumb thing. All you end up with is a bunch of people who can't agree. How do you like thought diversity now? Dilbert: That fad didn't last long.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #kill or cannibalize, #business

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CEO: Experts say we need to be willing to kill or cannibalize our best businesses. Boss: I can do that. I've been killing our best businesses for years. CEO: That's all the leadership I have for today. Boss: That'll last me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #answers, #asked, #dumb guy, #formatted data, #obvious in hindsight, #questions, #stare at me, #office seeting, #not enough questions

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Coworker: I don't have the data you requested last week because I didn't know how you wanted it formatted. Dilbert: You could have asked. Coworker: That's only obvious hindsight. Why does everyone stare at me that way?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #ignorance (knowledge), #project team, #forrest fire, #dropping baby, #analogy, #available people, #stop progress

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Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death & dying, #inventions, #cryonics, #preserve brain, #transhumanism, #robot body, #staus update, #favors, #repaid

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Dilbert: Cryonics will allow me to preserve my brain until the age of transhumanism so I can live forever in a robot body. Boss: Dilbert, I need a status update on why your last status wasn't updated. Dilbert: Please kill me now. Wally: I don't do favors that can't be repaid.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cruelty, #frustration, #achieved golas, #secret goals, #set for you, #failed to achieve, #anger, #exact situation

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Dilbert: I'm happy to report that I achieved every goal you set for me last year. Boss: But you failed to achieve the secret goals I set for you. Dilbert: Why would you have secret goals for me?!! Boss: For this exact situation.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #frustration, #work ethic, #drink lots of coffee, #disrespect authority, #reading my goals, #before signing, #accomplish stuff, #feels good

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Boss: For some reason, your written goals for last year were "Drink lots of coffee" and "Disrespect authority." Wally: Maybe next year your goal should be something about reading my goals before you sign them. Accomplishing stuff feels good. You should try it.