Search Results for "time"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Notice: Too many results returned for your search. Displaying the first 1000 most relevant results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 03, 2016's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #complaining, #problems, #salutation, #sincerity, #insincere, #questioning, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thanks for meeting me on short notice. How are you? Coworker: Well, actually, someone stole my identity and ruined my credit score. I couldn't refinance my loan and lost my house. So I ate myself into poor health. I stopped shaving for a month and ended up on the terrorist watchlist. My boss hates me and is trying to make me quit by giving me bad assignments. My car broke down and I haven't been hugged in a year. Dilbert: Okay, let's get started. Coworker: That's all the time I had.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2016's comic on:


Tags #justice, #trial, #jury duty, #laziness, #lazy, #juror, #legal system

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I got called for jury duty. I'll probably be gone for weeks. I think I would be a good juror. As I understand the job, you sit in a chair doing nothing for hours. Boss: You're supposed to pay attention to the trial. Wally: That's what the other eleven people are for. There's a lot of redundancy in the system. Time to serve up some justice.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #sexism, #sexist, #misogyny, #conversation, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: You give Wally your full attention when he talks, but not me. You hang on every word the man says. But if I try to talk, you act distracted in five seconds. Wally gets more eye contact, too. You don't even look at me half the time I'm talking. Deep down, in your DNA, you know you are a sexist because you don't take me seriously when I speak to you. There is no other explanation, so don't insult me by trying. Dilbert: I give both of you the same amount of attention, but you spread it over more words. Alice: I hate both of you. Dilbert: Did I play that wrong? Wally: Yup.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #gestures, #etiquette, #male, #Men, #masculinity, #social norms

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I never know the right time to high-five. I feel as if I should automatically know, like a male instinct. For example, when do you initiate a high-five and when do you simply yell "woo-hoo?" Those situations look the same to me. What's my problem? Alice: So many things. But in this specific case, the problem is your total lack of masculinity. Dilbert: High-five?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2016's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #insult, #healing, #doctor, #ego, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: My doctor says he's never seen anyone heal as quickly as me. Dilbert: What do you suppose that means? Boss: Obviously it means I am genetically gifted. Dilbert: Is that the only explanation? Boss: Well, maybe ten percent of it is because of good medical care. Dilbert: Can you think of any other reason at all? Alice: Doctors tell idiots their bodies are magic because it makes them feel special. Dilbert: He would have gotten there. Alice: I don't have that kind of time.

Asok Returns From Fbi

Thank you for voting.
Asok Returns From Fbi - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #racism, #arrest, #terrorist, #terrorism, #protest, #friendship, #relationship, #commitment, #apathy, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: The FBI held me for three weeks on suspicion that I was a terrorist. I assume you were protesting outside the FBI building the entire time and they didn't tell me. Because racism? Dilbert: Oh, right. Yes. We were protesting the entire time.

Employee Hat With Sensors

Thank you for voting.
Employee Hat With Sensors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #mind control, #thoughts, #police, #policing, #work ethic, #leisure, #daydreaming, #control, #surveillance, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The sensors in your employee hat tell me you are not having work-related thoughts. I have to dock your pay for all of that leisure time you try to sneak into your workday. Here's a screen shot of what you've been thinking. Dilbert: I'm going to remember this as a bad day.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2016's comic on:


Tags #internet, #comment, #jerk, #forum, #argument, #anger, #frustration, #language, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dick, From The Internet. Dick: Would you lie to a monster to keep a baby alive? Dilbert: Yes. Dick: Ha! You admit you're a liar! Dilbert: Not most of the time. Dick: Ooh, not most of the time. Ha, ha! Look who's trying to walk it back now! Apologize for hating babies most of the time! Dilbert: I never said that. Dick: Wow. Pathological much?

Fifty Slide Presentation

Thank you for voting.
Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #managers, #tasks, #presentation, #expectation, #unrealistic, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

Dogbert The Negotiating Expert

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert The Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #money, #negotiate, #negotiations, #racket, #guest artist, #josh shipley

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I hired an expert on negotiating to teach us a few things. He only costs a million dollars, and for that we get five minutes of his time. Let's get started. Dogbert: We're out of time, unless you want to renegotiate.