Search Results for "productivity today"
Share February 22, 1994's comic on:
Wally: "Here's your 'buzzword bingo' card for the meeting." Wally: "If the boss uses a buzzword on your card, you check it off. The objective is to fill a row." The Boss: "You're all very attentive today. My proactive leadership must be working!" Wally: "Bingo, sir."
Share May 12, 1994's comic on:
"Ratbert the consultant" "It looks like you've all done your assignments for me." "Your input is so important that I'll have it put in a big binder in stored in the same building that your president works!" "And I'll put in a good word for you when I meet with your boss later today." "Wink, thumbs up" "How about two good words?"
Share June 09, 1994's comic on:
"If I start the project today and work nights and weekends it will take...oh, six months." "It has to be done in ONE month so we can show it to our VP on her annual visit." "I have to know; does it even cross your mind to handle this differently?" "I'll need daily status reports on why you're so behind."
Share August 12, 1994's comic on:
"Wally, you're invited to a 'Still Single' shower in my honor." "I'm trying to recoup all the money I've blown on wedding gifts and baby showers." "Someone's feeling a little bitter today." "I have a pattern registered at 'Electron Hut'."
Share September 07, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: We'll be getting a new "Bungee Boss" sometime today. Hi - Im -your- new- boss- lets- change- every- thing- beef- I- get- reassigned- pops- too- late- goodbye. sproing wally: He was like a mentor to me. Dilbert: I think he made a difference. The Boss: Incoming!
Share March 17, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits at the Boss's desk. Dilbert and Alice stand in front of him. Dilbert says, "The rumors are destroying our productivity. We can't work with all this uncertainty." Dogbert answers, "I plan to buy proven technology and hire contract employees. You'll be gophers for the contractors until you resign in disgust and humiliation." Dilbert and Alice look scared. Dilbert asks, "Is there any way to get back to uncertainty?" Dogbert answers, "I'll see what I can do."
Share April 08, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert looks a tape measure and tells the Boss, "Just as I thought, my cubicle is two inches smaller today than yesterday!" The Boss says, "We installed real-time status adjusters in the cubicle walls. Sensors monitor your work and adjust the cubicle size according to your value." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in cubicles that are so small they can barely fit inside them. Wally says, "It's amazing how fast you get used to it."
Share May 02, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits in a radio DJ booth wearing earphones and speaking into a microphone. He says, "I'm the smartest creature in the universe and you are all dolts." Dogbert continues, "Today I'm taking calls from people who think they understand complex issues because they watch 'Crossfire' on CNN." A caller says, ". . . So why not put all poor people in orphanages?" With his paw on the control panel, Dogbert says, "Put your head up to the speaker, Bob."
Share May 03, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits in a radio DJ booth wearing headphones and speaking into a microphone. He says, "Today we're talking about sex after marriage. Many liberals support this depraved practice but I do not." Dogbert continues, "It can lead to headaches, fatigue and unwanted family members who become consultants." A caller asks, "Wouldn't your philosophy lead to the extinction of mankind?" Dogbert replies, "Cry me a river, Liberal."