Funny Comic Strips - Page 11
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122 Results for Funny
View 101 - 110 results for Funny comic strips. Discover the best "Funny" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 09,
2009
Tags details, work, slacker, meeting, business
Transcript
Wally says, "My project is unfunded, just the way I like it. Wally says, "I spend my entire say forwarding funny e-mails and lubricating my bowels with coffee." The boss says, "Allow me to explain something?" Wally says, "Better make it fast!"
Monday October 05,
2009
Tags sitting, review, criticism, ridicule, nervous, frustration, useless
Transcript
Alice says, "It's funny that you're evaluating me." Alice says, "Because I understand how to do your job, but you have no idea how to do my job." Alice says, "For example, right now you're going to say something that doesn't help the stockholders."
Friday December 25,
2009
Tags christmas, presents, giving, nerdy, Funny, coffee, bank, bathrobe, holiday
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Merry Christmas. Here?s a hundred bucks." Dogbert says, "And here's a hundred bucks for you." Dilbert says, "We could save another step by setting up an electronic transfer with an annual recurring option." Dogbert says, "Excellent." Dogbert says, "Or we could not give gifts." Dilbert says, "Hush your crazy talk."
Sunday January 18,
2009
Tags questions, business, reasoning, thinking, plants
Transcript
Dilbert says, "You're watering a plastic plant." man says, "yes, I am." Dilbert says, "Why?" man says, "Funny story." Many says, "Your boss replaced the live plants with plastic ones to save money." man says, "My company has the contract to water your office plants." Man says, "No one ever cancelled our contract." Man says, "Now my career is less important than a gnat's toot in a hurricane." man says, "But it's still way better than sitting in a fabric-covered box all day." Dilbert thinks, "I need to stop talking to people."
Sunday August 23,
2009
Tags presentation, idea, pitch, bored, time, ridiculous
Transcript
The boss says, "Our next presenter is Dilbert." Dilbert says, "I put together a slide show and video." Dilbert says, "While it's running, I'll perform a humorous rap song about the benefits of our product." Dilbert says, "Then each of you will wear a funny hat and participate in a skit." Dilbert says, "Later we'll enjoy a ventriloquist who dresses in a beaver suit and threatens to eat his dummy." Dilbert says, "We'll top it off with a trivia contest, prizes, fireworks in the atrium." Man says, "What can you do in two minutes? We need to catch a plane." Dilbert thinks, "I should have gone with the slide show." Man says, "Mmph"
Sunday December 27,
2009
Tags meeting, brilliant, moron, appearance, superficial, beard, silent, Funny, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "I invited silent Gary to help us decide on a technology direction." The Boss says, "We think he's a genius because he has a beard and he never speaks." The Boss says, "Gary, do you think we should use open source software for our support platform?" The Boss says, "Here it comes. He's rubbing his beard and giving me creepy eye contact." THe Boss says, "I detect a slight hint of disgust. It means Gary hates the idea! The Boss says, "Yes, it's all so obvious now. This is the worst idea in the history of mankind." The Boss says, "THe meeting is over. Silent Gary has spoken." Dilbert says, "You're actually a moron, aren't you?" Gary says, "Don't ruin this for me."
Sunday April 24,
2005
Tags emailed file, accomplishments, entire month, open the file, down load, browser, upgrade broswer, operating system, upagrde, software, hard disk, view of file, engineering
Transcript
"My accomplishement this month was opening a file that someone e-mailed." "That took an entire month?" "It wasn't that easy. I didn't have the right software to open the file." "I tried to download the viewer from the Internet but the Web site didn't support my browser." "And I couldn't upgrade my browser until I updated my operating system!" "That required me to upgrade all of my software, too." "My hard disk got maxed out, so I had to upgrade my computer and transfer all of the files." "So, then you got to view the file?" "Yeah...It was a funny one about a cat."
Sunday February 15,
2004
Tags lisa, woman, happy owman, nice woman, engineers liked, appaorachable, cubicle, gifts, poems, Food, replacing
Transcript
The Boss: "Now Dilbert will explain what went wrong with our projects this year." DILBERT: "All of our problems were caused by a woman named Lisa." "Lisa never learned to act aloof and unapproachable. Sometimes she smiles and men she doesn't even know." "Gasp." "Gasp." "As you know, 90% of engineers are lonely men." "A permanent line formed outside her cubicle." "The engineers brought her food, gifts and poems that weren't as funny as they'd hoped." "Food, Gifts, Poems (bad)." "I recommend replacing Lisa with someone more like this." Alice: "What's THAT supposed to mean?" Asok: "My poems aren't funny?"
Sunday April 27,
2003
Tags customer diservice program, tech supprt, stretched telephone, cleansed online support, useful articles, support groups, train customers
Transcript
The Boss points to a slide of a man making a funny face and says, "We've expanded our customer disservice program." The Boss points to the next slide of a technician saying, "Uh.. reboot." The Boss continues, "...Doubled our unhelpful technical support advice." The next slide is of a customer leaning back with one hand on the phone and the other holding his stomach, saying, "So... hungry." The Boss continues, "... Stretched our telephone hold times to lethal durations..." Wally, Dilbert, and Alice listen as The Boss' voice continues, "... And cleansed our online support database of all useful articles." The Boss says, "Our goal is to force customers to form support groups." The Boss continues, "Over time, with luck, we'll train customers to do our manufacturing and shipping, too." Wally raises his hand and asks, "May I train a customer to do my job?" The Boss replies, "Sure." A little boy sits in front of a computer with a cup of coffee in his hand. He asks Wally, "So.. what do I do?" Wally responds, "You're doing it."
Sunday December 21,
2003
Tags gaga gift money, upcoming birthdays, baby showers, retirements promotions, collecting money, bag of moeny, flush, toilet involved, more effcient, sectional sofa
Transcript
Carol: "I'm collecting money for miscellaneous gag gifts." "We've got upcoming birthdays, baby showers, retirements, promotions, blah, blah, blah." "I'm collecting all of the gag gift money in advance." "Then I'll take the bag of money and flush it down the toilet." "That will be the gag. It's funny because a toilet is involved." "So you can either give me $100 now or I'll be back twenty times at $5 a pop." "You can't resist the siren call of a more efficient process. Give it up, engineer-boy!" "Hello, sectional sofa!"


