Better Plans Comic Strips - Page 11
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575 Results for Better Plans
View 101 - 110 results for better plans comic strips. Discover the best "Better Plans" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday November 01,
2017
App For A Better Boss
Tags #technology, #invention, #mind control, #neural interface
Transcript
Dilbert: The neural interface is live. His brain is now communicating with his phone. Alice: He's sending me a brain-text. It says "Please help me. My phone has taken control of my body." Dilbert: It worked! Alice: Now we just need to write an app that makes him a better boss.
Sunday February 09,
2020
Making World Better Place
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #money, #meeting, #employees, #taxes, #cancer, #sarcasm
Transcript
boss: i don't want employees who are only working for the money. i want employees who are working to make the world a better place. dilbert: how does working here make the world a better place? half of our products cause cancer, and the other half don't work at all. wally: we don't even pay taxes. one could argue that every day we spend working here makes the planet a little bit worse. boss: is that why i never see you doing any work? wally: when did it become a crime to care about people? sheesh!
Tuesday February 25,
2020
Pragmatist
Tags #business, #plans, #office workers, #stupid, #pragmatist, #practical, #implement, #technology
Transcript
asok: i'm a pragmatist. i like plans that are practical. wally: not me. i like plans that can't be implemented. way less work. asok: my way sounds stupid now.
Thursday June 11,
2020
Better Fast Than Good
Tags #boss, #email, #office workers, #sadness, #sarcasm, #time, #truth
Transcript
Dilbert: I got your email, but I didn't have time to include your upgrades on my analysis. It's better to be timely than right because our boss can't judge the quality of our work, but he knows when it's late. Alice: Why is it that everything true is also sad? Dilbert: That's how the truth works.
Friday July 31,
2020
Sarcasm Works Better
Tags #argument, #technology, #business, #production, #productivity, #sarcasm
Transcript
dogbert wearing face mask: i stopped using good arguments because sarcasm works better. dilbert wearing face mask: that doesn't sound like a productive thing to do. dogbert: oooh, look who's an expert on productivity now.
Monday January 11,
2021
Keyboard Upgrades
Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #keyboard, #design, #keys, #better, #hard, #software, #upgrades
Transcript
dilbert: i have an idea for a keyboard design that we upgrade every six months by rearranging where the keys are. boss: why would we do that? dilbert: to make it better. boss: that would only make it harder to use. dilbert: exactly like our software upgrades. what's your point?
Wednesday May 04,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #saving & investment, #intentional billing errors, #honest mistakes, #maintain bonuses, #pipelien, #new errors, #pension algorythm, #money
Transcript
Carol: Once again, our only profitable line of business is "intentional billing errors." It started as a series of honest mistakes. Now it's the only way we can maintain our bonuses. Boss: Do we have anything better in the pipeline? Carol: R&D is testing some new errors for our pension algorithm.
Sunday May 08,
2011
Tags #business ethics, #suspicion, #features for product, #overstaffed, #spare time, #job description, #healthy raise, #highest performance rating
Transcript
Dilbert: In my spare time I created some awesome new features for our product. Boss: GAAA!!! Shut the door! Dilbert: What?!! Boss: You fool! If my boss finds out you have spare time, he'll think we're overstaffed! You can never speak of these awesome new features again. Dilbert: I'm confused. You told me I need to go above and beyond my job description to get the highest performance rating. Boss: That's just something I say to keep you from getting a healthy raise. Dilbert: So... I lose no matter what I do? Boss: For what it's worth, you're doing better than our customers.
Wednesday May 11,
2011
Tags #computer software, #internet & world wide web, #coding, #paywall, #website, #wrote script, #new content, #idea to eliminate, #revenue, #lowered costs, #technology
Transcript
Boss: Wally, did you finish coding the paywall for our website? Wally: I did something better. I wrote a script to delete any new content as soon as it's posted. At bonus time, keep in mind that you're the one who had the idea to eliminate revenue, and I'm the one who lowered hosting costs.
Saturday May 14,
2011
Tags #death & dying, #estate plan, #inherit stuff, #option, #powerful incentive, #saving & investment, #wills, #money
Transcript
Dogbert: I took the liberty of updating your estate plan. Dilbert: This gives you a powerful incentive to kill me so you can inherit my stuff. Dogbert: If it makes you feel any better, that option has always been on the table.