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Dilbert and Wally standing outside a cubicle holding mugs. Dilbert says, "An executive search firm is trying to find a new C.E.O. for us." Wally says, "It'll be tough." Wally says, "No ethical person would board a sinking ship just to plunder its treasure." Ted and Dogbert sitting at table. Sheet of paper in front of Dogbert. Ted hands Dogbert a pen and says, "Are you ready to take the challenge?" Dogbert responds, "Oh, I'll take more than that!"
The boss stands. Dilbert sits. The Boss says, "Don't think of yourself as a powerless peon in a box." The Boss says, "You're an agent of change is a dynamic, natural work group." Dilbert stands in front of his cubicle. Dilbert says, "Can I put that on my business cards?" The Boss says, "I'd rather not leave a paper trail."
Dilbert, Wally and a woman from marketing sit at a conference table. The woman sits in front of a computer and says, "It's time for marketing to put the glitter on this software you've created." She continues, "With my guidance this will become the premier data backup software!" Wally says, "Bear in mind that we said it would take six months to write it." Dilbert says, "You only gave us a month." The woman says, "We'll fix the bugs in the next release. Tell me about the features." Wally says, "At this point, all it does is erase your disk drive." Dilbert adds, "Unless you're on a network." The woman asks, "What happens if you're on a network?" Wally replies, "It erases everybody's disk drives." Wally continues, "And heaven help you if you have a modem . . ." Dilbert says, "It calls all your friends and erases their PCs." The woman says, "We'll call it 'QuikProtect.'" Dilbert adds, "If you have a sound card it swears at you."
Marketing Department: A guy walks by a table and says, "Hey! It's a magazine!" He reaches for it. Engineering Department: A loud speaker says, "Danger! A magazine has been discovered in marketing!" Alice looks scared. Alice pokes her head into Dilbert cubicle and says, "Marketing has a magazine!" Dilbert gasps and his hair stands on end. Dilbert heads for the War Room. He says, "Gather the other engineers. We must get that magazine." Alice says, "Check." Dilbert says to Alice, Asok and Wally, "We think is was a careless mistake by someone in the mail department." Dilbert says, "As you know, there is nothing more dangerous than a marketing person with a little bit of knowledge." Dilbert points to a diagram on the dry-erase board. He says, "We know where the magazine will be read. We need nets, rope and traquilizer darts." The marketing guy starts to enter the men's restroom as a darts flies towards his neck. He thinks, "I'll have to ask engineering to build one of these space staions..."
Alice is unpacking a logic board. The Boss approaches and says, "You want to see an excellent trick I taught myself?" The Boss reaches out with his finger to the logic board. He says, "If I shuffle my feet, I can make a tiny spark with my finger." The Boss is leaning in front of a door and thinks, "She's right; this thing does make an excellent doorstop."
The boss pionts to a projection of a steaming keyboard. The boss says, "OUr new software will gently warm your keyboard so the keys are easier to press." Dilber and Wally listen. The boss says, "We'll budnle it with our software that makes your laptop lighter." The boss says, "In a word, we have become "market driven"" Wally whispers, to Dilbert, "Creat a diversion. I'll run for help."
FREE BLOOD PRESSURE SCREENING TODAY blod pressure screening, below average, more work, Dilbert and the boss are in line to have their blood pressure taken. The boss is holding some folders. Over the head of the woman who is taking Dilbert's blood pressure hangs a board that reads: "Free blood pressure screening today" The woman says to Dilbert: "135 over 88." The boss hands some folders to Dilbert and says: "You're bellow the company average. Here's some more work." Dilbert looks surprised. The boss is behind Dilbert, who is walking all worked up and angry. The boss says to Dilbert: "How long did you think you could get away with that?"
Dilbert approaches Carol and says, "I need to document your procedures. It's an ISO 9000 requirement." Dilbert starts writing as he asks, "So...the engineers submit their time cards and then you do what?" Carol points to her desk and says, "I put them in a pile until I'm sure that they're all here." Carol points under her desk and continues, "Then I move them to the magic cylinder." Dibert asks, "The trash can?" Carol answers, "No, it's a magic cylinder. I put my work in there and by morning it's gone." Dilbert says, "I've been giving you my time card for five years." Carol responds, "No one has complained yet." Dilbert walks away thinking, "After today, I am NOT rounding to the nearest fifteen minutes."
A woman tells Dilbert over dinner: "I reviewed your CD-ROM business card last night." Dilbert says: "I browsed your personal web page." Dilbert suggests: "Maybe we should do some conversation." She replies: "I already had one in my head."
Dilbert says to the Boss pointing to the diagraphn he's drawn on the board, "Our server named 'Pointy' is overloaded." Dilbert continues, "So we're moving some of the load to 'haired' and 'idiot'. But we still need a new server. Dilbert says to Alice and Wally, "He signed the purchase order for 'clueless."