Company Value Comic Strips - Page 11
962 Results for Company Value
View 101 - 110 results for company value comic strips. Discover the best "Company Value" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share July 05, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "Dilbert, do you have a minute?" The Boss continues, "The company is doing an survey of employee attitudes about their bosses." The Boss continues, "It's totally anonymous, so you don't have to fear any retribution." The Boss opens an envelope and says, "Oops! It looks like your questionnaire is a bit dog-eared." The Boss continues, "I'll put my phone number on the confidential envelope in case you need me." The Boss hands Dilbert a pen and says, "You can use this green marker pen." The Boss adds, "Oh, and I took the liberty of checking off your ethnic background as Eskimo. It's just a statistical thing." Dilbert reads, "1. Does your boss clearly communicate your objectives?"
Share August 20, 1997's comic on:
Recruiting on Campus A jock reaches out to shake Dilbert hand. Dilbert says, "Nice to meet you..." The jock crushes Dilbert hand. Dilbert screams. The jock gives Dilbert a wedgie and says, "I have to be honest; your company isn't my fist choice."
Share September 02, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert stands on a filing cabinet. He wears a crown and holds a scepter. The Boss bows before him. Dogbert says, "Tell the employees to get wheelbarrows to carry my salary out." Dogbert says, "Turn out the lights when you're done. You're all downsized. Shoo!" The Boss leaves in a daze. Caption: The Media Loved Him A mob of reporters surrounds Dogbert's filing cabinet. One reporter says, "Can we call you 'Buzz Saw Dogbert'?" Dogbert says, "I bought your parent company today. You're downsized. Shoo!"
Share December 04, 1997's comic on:
Phil says, "I used to be Phil The Ruler of Heck. My pitchspoon was feared by all who committed minor sins." Asok leans on Phil's desk. Phil says, "Then I made the mistake of merging with a company that makes non-alcoholic beer. I was ousted." Phil screams, "They said we'd have synergy!" Asok suggests, "Maybe it was just a bad pun."
Share December 27, 1997's comic on:
Wally says to Asok, "There's an art to sarcasm, Asok." Wally says, "If you use your boss's own words, you can't be disciplined for insubordination." Wally points to his puckered lips and says, "And do this with your lips." At a meeting, Asok puckers his lips and says to The Boss, "Today I focused my resources on adding value to the product process. Our shareholders would be delighted to know that."
Share February 06, 1998's comic on:
Catbert sits on Wally's desk holding some papers and says, "The company knows everything about you, Wally." Catbert looks in Wally's file and says, "We have logs of all you phone calls, web hits, and e-mail. We have your urine test, college grades, salary and family contacts..." Catbert says, "It's against our policy to kill employees and replace them with low paid impersonators, but I wanted you to know it's feasible."
Share June 06, 1993's comic on:
The Boss tells Dilbert, "It's time for your annual performance review." The Boss continues, "The process is the same as usual." The Boss continues, "Make your accomplishments fit the trendy categories on this form." Dilbert reads, "'1. Estimate the cash value of the empowerment you displayed this year. Cite examples.'" The Boss says, "Try to make your accomplishments match the raise I've already decided for you." Dilbert asks, "Why don't you just tell me what you've decided?" The Boss responds, "What - and ruin the motivational value of the process??" The Boss thinks as he walks away, "How did I get stuck with all the cynical employees?"
Share May 01, 1998's comic on:
The Boss and Alice sitting at table. The Boss says, "Alice, I checked with the other managers; they don't know you well enough to promote you." The Boss continues, "So we've decided to hire someone from outside the company." Alice is stunned. As Alice exits the room, she says, "At least the other managers have heard my name now." The Boss replies, "I didn't use your real name."
Share June 05, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert and The Boss sitting at desk across from eachother. Dilbert asks, "How much budget do I have for my project?" The Boss replies, "I can't tell you." The Boss says, "If you knew what your budget was, you'd spend it all." Dilbert inquires," Can you at least tell me what our company strategy is?" The Boss responds, "No, I don't want you to lose hope."
Share January 23, 1994's comic on:
Dilbert: "I need a replacement for my company cellular phone." "I dropped mine in the...John." The Boss: "Again?? Why don't you reach in and fish it out?" Dilbert: "I tried, but then my pager fell in too." The Boss: "Reach in and get them both." Dilbert: "I tried, of course, but when my vast array of writing tools fell in they kind of wedged..." The Boss: "Try it again!!!" Dogbert: "Where are your glasses?" Dilbert: "Shut up."