Dogberts Tech Support Comic Strips - Page 11
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Share January 02, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "You need a million dollars but I only have authority to sign for up to ten thousand." The Boss says, "Break it into a hundred separate business cases." Dilbert says, "Thank you for your value-added management support." The Boss replies, "It was nothing."
Share March 19, 1997's comic on:
Tina and Alice sit at a table. Tina says, "Alice, I think I'm developing a crush on Dilbert." Tina asks, "Is that so wrong?" Alice replies, "Apparently it is." Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light, appears and says, "I have a report of a tech writer desiring an engineer."
Share October 02, 1998's comic on:
Tina the tech writer sits at her computer. Tina writes, "To: All Engineers. From: Tina the Tech Writer." Tina grimaces. Tina writes, "Give me the information I requested, or sow the seeds of your own destruction!" Tina thinks, "One should never compose e-mail while one is snarling."
Share October 30, 1998's comic on:
Caption: "Dogbert the consultant" Dogbert stands on a conference table. Dogbert says, "Some customers might complain that the invisible robot they bought from us.." Dogbert says, to Wally and Dilbert, "...is nothing but an empty box.. I will train our support staff to handle those calls." Caption: "Customer's House" A customer talks on the phone in his living room, near an empty cardboard box. He is terrified. The voice on the other end of the phone says, "According to our sensors, he's in your house... and he's watching you."
Share September 10, 1995's comic on:
The Boss introduces a man to Dilbert and Wally. The Boss says, "We just hired Jack away from our competitor. He was their best manager." The Boss continues, "Jack will be in charge of project 'Goosefood.'" The Boss continues, "I'd like you two to brief Jack on the project." Jack, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Project 'Goosefood' has no budget and no management support." Wally says, "Your job is to build a global information network in two weeks." Dilbert says, "Failure is certain. Soon you will leave the industry in disgrace." Wally adds, ". . . Just like the other 'best managers' we hired from our competitors." Jack says, "Just our of curiosity, how did the project get its name?" Wally replies, "Let's just say that you're the goose food . . ."
Share December 14, 1997's comic on:
The Boss and Bruce walk by a cubicle. The Boss says, "We don't have a cubicle available for you yet, Bruce." The Boss says, "So I'm declaring this part of the carpet to be your office." The Boss says, "If someone goes to a meeting, you can sneak into his cubicle and use the phone." The Boss says, "Our computer budget is gone, but we have an old monitor that you can put on top of your briefcase." Bruce says, "Can I put tape on the carpet to mark my boundary?" The Boss says, "That won't be necessary, thanks to this hi-tech device." Bruce says, "A dog collar?" The Boss puts the collar around Bruce's neck. The Boss says, "It will give a mild shock if you cross your invisible boundary." Alice says, "The new guy hasn't left that spot for a week." Dilbert says, "Wally taught him to beg for food."
Share April 13, 1999's comic on:
Phil drags Asok by his tie. Phil says, "Asok, come to my lair and I will teach you about reality." Asok and Phil stand by a dumpster. ASok says, "Your secret lair is a dumpster?" Phil says, "Get in" Asok and Phil sit in the middle of the trash in the dumpster. Asok says, "It's like my cubicle, but with much better lumbar support!" Phil eats a french fry and says, "French fry?"
Share July 21, 1999's comic on:
Caption: "Tina the tech writer" Tina types at her computer and thinks, "My derogatory and condescending e-mail will set things right" Tina clicks a key and thinks, "Send!" Tina looks sick, places her hand on her stomach and thinks, "Everytime I send e-mail, I get a stomachache and an urge to flee the country."
Share October 13, 1999's comic on:
Caption: "Tina the tech writer." Tina holds a paper under her arm. Tina stands at The Bosses desk and says, "I grew tired of writing the same old stories for the newsletter." The Boss reads paper. Tina says, 'So I started inventing stories of bizarre work-place crimes." The Boss reads and looks surprised. Tina says, "Sometimes we in the media have to give the copycat criminals a little kick start."
Share October 25, 1999's comic on:
The Boss, Tina and Wally sit in conference. The Boss says, "We'll be destroying another healthy company via a process we call merging." The Boss says, "No engineers will be down-sized after merger." The Boss says to Tina, "And tech writers..." Tina says, "Yes?!" The Boss says, "Should write that down."