Forty Million Dollars Comic Strips - Page 11
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Dilbert and the boss sit at a table with tools on it. The boss holds a gadget and says, "Your invention will earn ten billion dollars for this company." The boss says, "By the way, you're not allowed to have decorations above the walls of your cubicle." The boss says, "WE both did something important today. Give me five."
Dilbert, Ming,the new web employee, and the boss are sitting at a table. Ming has a sheet of paper on the table. Ming says: "I linked our web site to various sponsors who pay us for eyeballs." Ming says:"Those sponsors link to other web sites who link to us." Ming says to the boss:"The net-net at the end of the day is we owe ourselves a billion dollars." The boss thinks: "eyeballs?", while expressing disgust.
The boss is sitting in a meeting between Wally and Dogbert and he says: "Mister Dogbert will be CEO of our financial subsidiary." Dogbert says: "My goal is one million victims in the first year." Dogbert says: "Then I'll do some cross-selling, which I prefer to call "bayonetting the survivors."
The boss sits across from Asok. The boss says, "Asok, I can't give raises to young employees." The boss says, "Because as soon as you get a few dollars in your pocket..." The boss says, "You buy small motorcycles a disappear in the night." The boss says, "I know that's a generalization." The boss says, "Some of you prefer the crack cocaine." Asok is mad. The boss says, "The good new is that I'm willing to be your mentor." Asok gets up and screams. Asok says, "Aaagh! I got double eight hundreds on my SAT!!! For what?!!" The boss walks Asok out. The boss says, "Sometimes when I'm in a bad mood I tickle my own feet."
THE "EXACTLY" MAN: Randy, looking at a piece of paper, says to Dilbert, "Your idea won't work. No one would buy this kind of product." Dilbert says, "We already sell ten million of these per year. My idea just makes them better." Randy exclaims, "Exactly!!" and Dilbert thinks, "?"
Dilbert sits at his computer as The Boss says, "Good news: The deadline got pushed back a week." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Good news?! I've been working for forty hours straight to finish on time!" The Boss thinks, "I just realized I don't know the difference between good news and bad news."
Dilbert stands at a hotel concierge desk. The desk attendant says, "The room costs five dollars a night." The attendant continues, saying, "The mini-bar has a motion detector; you will be charged three hundred dollars everytime you get within eight feet of it." The room is small and the mini-bar is in the center of the room. Dilbert crouches in the corner of his room next to his bed, thinking, "This is going to be a long night."
The Boss sits at his desk with his hands crossed. He says, "Monty. You're not growing into your job as quickly as I hoped." Monty, a monkey in a suit, stands opposite from The Boss, looking grim. The Boss' voice continues, "So I signed you up for an accelerated evolution program. They pack a million years into a two-day class." Dogbert stands in front of a blackboard atop a stool and yells to Monty and the monkey behind him as they enter the classroom. He says authoritatively, "Hurry up! We've already lost the opposable thumbs module; let's not lose fire too."
The Boss says to Asok and Dilbert, "Our CEO has voluntarily slashed his pay from six million per year to four." The Boss continues, "In a written statement he said he wants to 'share the pain.' The Boss asks, "Do you feel better now?" Asok replies, "I make my own underwear from sandwich bags."
Dilbert approaches a coworker and says, "I need your cost estimates for my bid proposal." The coworker says, "A billion dollars." Dilbert responds, "That sounds high for administrative overhead." The coworker replies, "If you already know the cost, why ask me?" Dilbert says angrily, "You'll make us lose the bid." The coworker replies, "I like to think of it as winning less work."