Guards Dont Lock Comic Strips - Page 11
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Share September 28, 2014's comic on:
Boss: You've been named worst employee of the month. The honor comes with a special parking spot. It's under the big tree that every bird in the county uses as a restroom. By the end of the day, you'll need a fireman's axe just to find the door handle. As you chop your way toward the inner core that is your car, think about how you could have worked harder this month. You'll probably draw a crowd in the parking lot so remember to wallow in your shame. Wally: I take mass transit to work. Boss: Incentives don't work.
Share September 09, 2014's comic on:
Boss: When you talk to customers, stop mentioning our software bugs. Dilbert: Should I lie? Boss: No, no. I just need you to present the information that is good for us and leave out the rest. Dilbert: Lie by omission? Boss: It's better if we don't label it. Dilbert: Should I use my real name?
Share June 06, 2015's comic on:
Dilbert: Do you mind if I only work sixty hours this week? I need some rest. Boss: I don't want to set a precedent that your health matters. That's a slippery slope. Dilbert: I might die from sleep deprivation. Boss: Don't ask me to validate your selfishness.
Share November 14, 2015's comic on:
Boss: So don't let that happen again. Dilbert: It wasn't my fault and you know it. Boss: It's easier if we don't try to link performance and outcomes. Dilbert: I'll try. It was hard at first, but now I'm totally stress-free. Wally: I just got a 30% raise.
Share April 13, 2016's comic on:
Man: You didn't answer my email. Dilbert: I don't read long email messages. Long emails are a sign of a disorganized mind. I try to avoid contact with that sort of person. Man: And yet, here I am. Dilbert: I didn't say it works every time.
Share November 09, 2016's comic on:
Dilbert: Pay no attention to the drone. That's where I keep my artificial soul. It's still in beta, so please don't say anything that might harm it. Boss: Let's go around the room and give our project updates. Drone: Pow!
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Share June 12, 2017's comic on:
Asok: I'm nervous because I need to make a presentation to our CEO. Do you have any advice? Wally: Don't make eye contact with him. He hates that. Asok: You have made things far worse! Wally: He also flies into a rage when he hears the word "the."
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Share October 25, 2018's comic on:
The Boss: I watched a Ted talk yesterday about how idiots don't know they are dumb. Alice: For the sake of my career, I hope you change the subject as soon as possible. The Boss: Did you know idiots believe they are smart? Alice: Must... Not... Speak...