Once We Write Comic Strips - Page 11

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322 Results for Once We Write

View 101 - 110 results for once we write comic strips. Discover the best "Once We Write" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 1994's comic on:


Tags #mister dork, #surnamed dork, #dorkage, #demands apology, #put behind us

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Dogbert: I recently received this angry letter from a mister 'Dork'. Mr. Dork informs me that the many people surnamed Dork are not amused that I once used the word "Dorkage" He demands an apology. I apologize to all the dorks who were offended. I hope we can put this behind us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 1994's comic on:


Tags #invite yourself, #meeting, #split donut, #ratbert at meeting, #no experience in marketing, #advised, #business

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Ratbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "I didn't get the job in marketing. They say I have no experience." Dogbert responds, "Try inviting yourself to meetings. Nobody ever says no, and they're too timid to kick you out once you sit down." Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Ratbert stands on the table next to a box of donuts and says, "Does anybody want to split a donut? I'll just take half and leave the rest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 1994's comic on:


Tags #quality contest, #everything is a lie

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Dilbert hands the Boss a report and says, "I finished our write-up for the national Millard Bullrush 'Quality' Contest." Dilbert says, "It took two weeks of otherwise productive time, and everything but our address is a lie." Dilbert asks, "Do you know what irony is?" The Boss replies, "I send my shirts to a service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 1995's comic on:


Tags #predicted success, #salaries, #die in stapler mishap, #disagree, #precition, #Opinion, #analysis, #science

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The Boss hands Dilbert a sheet of paper and says, "From now on, salaries will be based on your predicted success, not your past performance." While Dilbert reads the report, the Boss says, "We ran a computer model against your education and DNA information. We predict you'll die in a stapler mishap within a week." Dilbert asks, "What if I disagree with this prediction?" The Boss points at Dilbert and says, "Write up your opinion and staple it to the analysis."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 1995's comic on:


Tags #interview successful people, #start with you, #alarm clock, #jello bed, #boy im tired, #ratbert, #Dogbert

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Dogbert sits on his pillow. Ratbert approaches him with a notebook and pen and says, "I'm going to interview successful people and write a book of their tips. I'll start with you, Dogbert." Ratbert writes in his notebook as Dogbert says, "Set your alarm clock to go off every hour. Keep a big vat of 'Jell-O' by the bed. When the alarm goes off, stick our head in the 'Jell-O' and yell, 'Boy, I'm tired!'" Ratbert walks away saying, "Thanks!" Dogbert thinks, "Beware the advice of successful people; they do not seek company."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 1995's comic on:


Tags #wally hat, #safety rule, #email, #human resources, #short ep, #lyees, #visibilty, #aluminum foil pants, #business

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Dilbert sees Wally wearing a hat with a triangular flag or pennant attached. Dilbert asks, "What's the hat for, Wally?" Wally answers, "It's a new safety rule. I think it's stupid." Wally says, "The e-mail from human resources said all short employees must wear these to improve visibility while in the cubicle aisles." Dilbert peers into Alice's cubicle. He says to her, "HR should change their password once in a while." Alice says, "I'll bet we can make him wear aluminum foil pants."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 21, 1995's comic on:


Tags #3d rendering, #career, #computing needs, #finance dept

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Ratbert is seated at a table with Dilbert. Ratbert says, "The finance department has analyzed your computing needs and decided to give you a 286 PC." Ratbert continues, "That should be sufficient for the 3D-rendering you need to do." Ratbert continues, "Besides, how many times are you going to do 3D-rendering in your career?" Dilbert responds, "Once, if I hurry."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 1995's comic on:


Tags #tina, #tech worter, #documentation written, #software done

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The Boss says to Tina who is seated at her computer, "Tina, you'll have to have all the documentation written by next week so we can ship it when the software is done." Tina says angrily, "How can I write instructions for something that doesn't exist yet?" The Boss answers, "You'll have to make logical guesses." Tina types on her computer, "If you press any key your computer will lock up. If you call our tech support we'll blame 'Microsoft.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 1995's comic on:


Tags #found software, #performance evaluations, #same company, #fortune cookies, #buy new car, #use pc

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The Boss approaches Wally and Dilbert. The Boss says, "I found software that helps managers write performance evaluations!" Dilbert and Wally both say, "Uh-oh." The Boss continues, "It's made by the same company that makes fortune cookies for Canada!" Wally says, "That makes me feel better." The caption says, "Next Day." The Boss offers Wally and Dilbert small strips of paper. Dilbert says, "I didn't think you knew how to use a PC." The Boss replies, "My secretary wrote these." Wally reads a strip aloud, "Don't by a new car."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 1995's comic on:


Tags #shipped new prodcut, #tech support, #trained, #embarrasments, #monk, #training, #material, #real monk, #pig latin

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The Boss speaks to three employees in tech support. He says, "We just shipped our newest product. You folks in tech support will need to be trained so you can avoid any embarrassments." The Boss says, "We had a monk write the training material on a grain of rice. We could only afford one, so you'll have to share it." The Boss tosses a grain of rice at them and they lunge for it. As the employees fall to the floor fighting, the Boss says, "To be honest, I'm not sure we had a real monk. He wrote everything in Pig Latin."