Only Jerks Comic Strips - Page 11

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View 101 - 110 results for only jerks comic strips. Discover the best "Only Jerks" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Women, #conclude, #year, #quality, #dates, #sadly, #Dogbert

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a hill outdoors. Dilbert says, "About 400 women turned me down for dates this year." Dilbert continues, "I can only conclude one thing . . ." Dogbert asks, "Not enough quality women?" Dilbert replies, "Sadly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #sitting, #down, #chair, #Dilbert, #tired, #teased, #hair, #thinning, #television, #undetectable

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Dogbert sits on his pillow watching television. The announcer asks, "Tired of being teased because of thinning nose hair?" The announcer continues, "Get the 'Rivco Nose Toupee' for only $9.95!" Dilbert stands behind Dogbert and says, "It's totally undetectable." Dilbert has hair coming out of his nose.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #computer, #Dogbert, #crash, #six, #bucks, #diving, #sky diving, #lessons, #cheap

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dilbert thinks, "I wonder if Dogbert is enjoying his sky diving lessons." Dogbert crashes through the ceiling and lands on the desk. Dogbert lies face-down on the desk and says, "Boy . . . No wonder they only charge six bucks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #check, #computer, #reverse, #spell, #internet, #kiss, #dog, #prince, #lady di

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Dilbert the Frog says, "Dogbert, I need your help. Check my computer to see if there is any way to reverse the spell and make me human!" Dogbert stands on a book on a desk chair and looks at the computer. Dogbert thinks, "Hmm . . . 'The only way to reverse a frog spell is a kiss from a dog or a princess . . . '" Dilbert asks, "What'd it say?!!" Dogbert replies, "Gargle, you're gonna visit Lady Di."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #batteries, #death, #Dogbert, #dreams, #god, #himself, #new, #sense of humor, #Dilbert

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Dilbert enters wearing a bathrobe and shines a flashlight on the chair where Dogbert is sleeping. Dogbert says in his sleep, "I'm coming toward the light . . ." Dogbert continues, "The light . . . It's so pure . . . So perfect . . . It could only be the light of GOD HIMSELF!!" Dilbert says, "No. Just new batteries." Dogbert says, "God has a sense of humor? Of course! It explains everything."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #finances, #financial troll, #witch, #bradley, #budget report, #budget, #erasing

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Dilbert: Great... Not only am I being forced to work in the accounting department, but I'm slowly turning into a troll. Wait a minute... This is the budget for the accounting department itself... What happens if I erase it? Bradley: Boss!!? Boss!!? Witch: Help me! I'm melting! Aaagh!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #warestore, #clothes, #shopping, #engineer, #naked, #hardware, #salesclerk

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Dilbert walks by Herman's Hardware Store and thinks, "Oh no . . . I'm being drawn to that hardware store." Dilbert's clothes fly off his body and he says, "The force is ripping my clothes off, but I can resist!!!" Dilbert says to a salesclerk, "I'm only looking for my clothes - I'm not shopping." The clerk replies, "You're not the first naked engineer to use that story."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #mineral, #water, #spa, #atlantis, #donut, #shop, #customer, #cash

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Dogbert sits behind a cash register and says to a customer, "Welcome to Dogbert's New Age Mineral Water Spa . . . Hand over the cash." Dogbert says, "Hold it . . . The vibes from my crystal tell me we knew each other in a previous life . . . In ATLANTIS!" A man says, "That's what you told the last guy, too." Dogbert replies, "Atlantis was a small town. I ran the only donut shop."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #spa, #water, #chowder, #bath, #therapy, #spirit, #jackie mason, #career

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Dogbert says to several people wearing only towels, "Thank you all for coming to Dogbert's 'New Age Mineral Water Spa.'" Dogbert continues, "After your chowder bath therapy, I will be channeling the spirit of Jackie Mason in ballroom 'B.'" Dilbert says, "He's not dead." Dogbert replies, "Then I'll talk to his career."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #mineral, #water, #pharaohs, #scientifically, #produce, #deep, #relaxation, #bandages, #pyramid

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Dogbert uses a megaphone to address several people wearing only towels. Dogbert says, "You are now ready for the next step in my 'New Age Mineral Water Spa' therapy." Dogbert continues, "This next therapy was practiced by the pharaohs . . . It has been scientifically proven to produce deep relaxation." Dogbert continues, "Please pick up a roll of bandages and line up in front of the pyramid door . . ."