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Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the armrest of the couch. Dogbert says, ". . . So you didn't read the software license and you inadvertently agreed to be Bill Gates' towel boy in his huge new house. When do we move?" They hear a rumbling noise and the house shakes. A machine crashes through the wall and says, "Prepare for assimilation." Dilbert says, "The house has come for me."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Every department is required to create a Web page for our internal network." The Boss continues, "It should include enough information to be difficult to maintain, but not so much that it's useful." The Boss continues, "As a security precaution, we'll make it too dull and unorganized to read." Wally asks, "Is pornography in or out?"
Dilbert lies on the couch and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert looks at a stopwatch and says, "Don't mind the stopwatch. I'm testing the theory that people get dumber every minute." Dilbert says, "It's not so simple, Dogbert. You also have to consider my 'emotional intelligence,' which is defined in a book I haven't read." Dogbert stops the watch and says, "Twelve seconds." Dilbert sits up and says angrily, "Give me that watch, you hog!"
Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I'm joining a manly drum beating group." Dogbert asks, "Why?" Dogbert replies, "Well, see, this poet Robert Bly wrote a book about being a manly warrior . . ." Dogbert continues, "I haven't actually read the book . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . But it has something to do with beating drums and rejecting your mother." Dogbert says, "Let me get this straight . . ." Dogbert continues, ". . . You're taking advice from a POET on how to be manly?" Dilbert and three men stand around holding drums. A man asks Dilbert, "Have you tasted the cinnamon snap tea?" Dilbert thinks, "Maybe I should have read the book first."
Alice is sitting at a table with her lap top computer and is writing something. Dan pulls up a chair and says, "Hi. I'm Dan, the Illogical Scientist." Alice covers what she is writing. Dan says, "That idea won't work. I know because I've read many reports about ideas that didn't work." Alice says, "You haven't even looked at my idea." Dan says, "Oh, I get it; you're one of those religious nuts."
Tina the tech writer says, "I just read that the average woman is paid 75 cents for every dollar that men make. It's an outrage!" Alice sits at her computer and grimaces. Alice says, "I'm the highest paid engineer in the company." Tina looks comfused and says, "That's impossible. The article says, 'Average women' earn less." Alice says, "Suddenly, the problem comes into focus."
Tags #mordac, #preventer of information services, #guidlines for passwords, #six characters, #include numbers and letters, #upper and lower case, #change once a month, #touture employees, #write nothing down
Man comes up to Dilbert and introduces himself, "I am Mordac, the preventer of information services. I bring new guidelines for passwords." Dilbert reads the guidelines, "'All passwords must be at least six characters long.. include numbers and letters.. include a mix of upper and lower case..'" Dilbert continues to read, "'Use different passwords for each system change once a month, do not write anything down.'" Mordac yells, "Squeal like a pig!!"
Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #legal, #department, #corporate, #lawyer, #trial, #judge, #position, #unglamorous, #consequently, #bad, #attitude, #approve, #sued, #trouble, #month, #nromally, #reject, #lawsuit
The Boss tells Dilbert, "Before I read your proposal, run it past our legal department." Dilbert groans. The Boss thinks, "That's the end of that." A lawyer tells Dilbert, "I didn't have to become a corporate lawyer. I could be a trial lawyer or a judge, you know." The attorney continues, "But I chose to work here at this unglamorous position." The man continues, "Consequently, I have a bad attitude and I'm going to take it out on you." The lawyer says, "Your proposal does noting to help MY career. And if I approve it and we get sued later, then I'll get in trouble." The lawyer continues, "In a month or so, I'll formally reject your idea with a neatly typed but oddly worded memo." The Boss asks, "Did he reject your proposal yet?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah. And he filed a lawsuit against me."
Dilbert sits in a meeting. The speaker says, "Let's take a ten-minute break." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert thinks, "I've got to use the restroom and get back before all the mingle groups have solidified." Dilbert stands in the bathroom and thinks, "Uh no, it's an air dryer, an unexpected delay!" Dilbert returns to the room and thinks, "I'm too late. All the minglers have formed impenetrable groups." Dilbert thinks, "I'll pretend to study the agenda so it looks like I have a reason to be alone." Dilbert thinks, "Everybody knows it doesn't take this long to read an agenda. Now what do I do??" Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead and he tugs on his tie. He thinks, "I've got to stand here alone, totally non-mingled, for five more minutes." Dilbert arrives at home looking disheveled. Dogbert asks, "Tough day at work?" Dilbert replies, "Just the breaks."
"I tried to fax it but our fax machine is broken." "I would send it by modem but my communication software is incompatible with my new system software upgrade." "No...our electronic mail systems are incompatible." "Mail it?" "I've only got one copy and our copier is out of toner." "Well, normally I could print another one but our LAN is being rewired." "I could just read it to you." "I describe how technology improves our lives by...yeah, I'll hold." "Hello?" "Dang."