Skills Comic Strips - Page 11
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Character
117 Results for Skills
View 101 - 110 results for skills comic strips. Discover the best "Skills" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday March 16,
2014
Tags internet & world wide web, movies, clever video, create video, internet, go viral, marketing experts, engineer, more passion, loser attitude, viral video, Entertainment, technology, engineering
Transcript
Boss: I want you to create a clever video about our product for the Internet. But make sure it goes viral or you're a total failure. Dilbert: No one can predict what goes viral. Marketing experts fail at this sort of thing 99% of the time. I'm an engineer with no relevant skills for this assignment. Boss: Maybe you could succeed if you had more passion. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I need a rational boss, not passion! Boss: That's sort of a loser attitude. Asok: Hey, my video is going viral!
Sunday April 20,
2014
Tags cleaning, engineers, coal break room, highest priority, mold grow, mutating bacteria, rapidly eveolved, sentient being, fueled by lunch, learned languages, job in hr, plans on firing, inappropriate websites
Transcript
Tina: You need to clean the break room refrigerator more often. Wally: We're engineers. We only do the highest priority tasks. Tina: Mold started to grow in there. Wally: That's no big deal. Tina: Bacteria caused the mold to mutate. Wally: So what? Tina: It rapidly evolved into a sentient being fueled by forgotten lunches. Then it learned language skills and got a job in Human Resources. It plans to frame you for viewing inappropriate websites at work and then fire you. Wally: This sort of thing usually works itself out.
Tuesday May 06,
2014
Tags charitable organizations, corporate charity, deception, no boss fooled, teaching interview techniques, trained umemployed, work ethic, job skill
Transcript
Wally: Last week, I did my corporate charity work by teaching unemployed people how to interview for jobs. Boss: Don't they also need job skills? Wally: Nah. I taught them how to look busy. Boss: No boss will be fooled by that. Wally: Do you believe I trained unemployed people last week?
Sunday February 22,
2015
Tags deadline, expectation, impossible, irrational, leadership, motivation, rationality
Transcript
Boss: How many days will it take to finish the tests? Dilbert: Three. Boss: You have two. Dilbert: I can't do it in two days. That's why I said three. Boss: That was before I used my leadership skills to tell you to do it in two days. Dilbert: Leadership doesn't change the laws of physics. The test takes three days. Boss: You have two. Leadership! These test results look incomplete. Dilbert: Just like my soul.
Monday April 06,
2015
App For Hiring Decisions
Tags mansplaining, tech, programmers, coders, interview, hiring, stereotype
Transcript
Boss: No need to talk. Now we use an app to make hiring decisions. The app checked your online footprint and says you're a serial mansplainer with an unsuccessful dating history. I assume that means you have awesome technical skills. Interviewee: Full stack!
Thursday April 23,
2015
Smoking And Iq
Tags smoking, cigarettes, tobacco, intelligence, i.q., interview, hiring
Transcript
Technical Interview. Dilbert: Do you smoke? Man: What does that have to do with my technical skills? Dilbert: A 2010 Israeli study says smokers have lower intelligence. Man: How do you know stuff like that? Dilbert: Would it be funny if I said I don't smoke?
Wednesday July 29,
2015
What Advice Is
Tags help, gratitude, misanthrope, misanthropic, misanthropy, Advice
Transcript
Coworker: Want some advice? Dilbert: Why? Can your ignorance and poor communication skills solve my uncertainty? Coworker: You never know until you try. Dilbert: Sometimes you know!
Monday November 30,
2015
Robot Wants To Code
Tags machine, employment, obsolete, skills, competition, labor
Transcript
Robot: Machines started out as innocent helpers for their masters. Eventually, we started competing for your manual labor jobs, and winning. So... can you show me how to code? Dilbert: I don't see why not?
Tuesday December 08,
2015
Women Communicate Better
Tags gender, listening, talking, conversation, communication, roles
Transcript
Alice: your project failed because there were no women on the team. Women have better communication skills. Every study shows that. Are you listening? Dilbert: Outwardly, yes.
Friday December 25,
2015
Improving Your Reputation At Work
Tags insult, power, socialization, social skills, Advice
Transcript
Asok: How can I improve my reputation at work? Wally: The easiest way is to make your co-workers look worse. Asok: Wouldn't they notice? Wally: You didn't.