Someone Listened To You Comic Strips - Page 11
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The boss introduces a new man to Dilbert. The boss says, "Dilbert, meet our new sacrifial lamb." The boss says, "I filled our headcount vacancy so we have someone to dump after the next budget cut." The lamb says, "Should we shake hands?" The boss says, "I don't want to get attached."
The boss sits in meeting next to Dogbert who is dressed in a turban. The boss says, "My atrologer tells me that someone here is plotting to rip me off." Asok says, "How much is your atrologer charging you?" The boss says, "Are you plotting to rip me off?" Dogbert says, "I prefer to call it hourly billing."
The boss stands behind Wally who sits at his computer. The boss has his pager clipped to his ear and says, "Wally, are you sure this kind of pager is supposed to clip on my ear?" The boss says, "It hurts. Maybe you can call someone to double-check." Wally says, "Good idea." and dials a number. The boss flinches in pain as his pager buzzes. Wally says, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Dogbert wears a crown and wand and stands in the doorway of the boss' office. Dilbert, Wally and Alice look through the window. Dogbert says, "I'm here to perform an exorcism." The boss opens his mouth wide and says, "Your mother implements multi-vendor processes without synergy!!" Dogbert points his wand to the boss' coffee cup and says, "Here's the problem someone gave you this oversized coffee mug." The boss says, "Reorg!!!" and his head starts to spin.
Webmistress Ming: Ming is sitting at her computer and the boss is standing behind her. The boss says: "Ming, I think the internet might catch on." The boss says to Ming: "I rushed over here so I could be the first to say it's a new paradigm." The boss says to Ming: "Did anyone beat me?" Ming answers: "I wish someone would."
Dilbert sits between Alice and Wally at a meeting. Someone is speaking, saying, "Blah, blah." Dilbert thinks to himself, "I can't believe I get paid for this." Dilbert looks down the table at his co-workers, all looking dazed. Dilbert thinks, "This thing lasts two more hours." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Maybe I should fidget with my pen." Dilbert looks at Wally who is fidgeting with his pen. Dilbert thinks, "I'm too late. Now I'd look uncreative." Dilbert continues to think to himself, "I wonder how long I could hold my breath." Wally continues to fidget with his pen and thinks, "Fidget." Dilbert holds his breath as Wally continues to fidget with his pen. Dilbert passes out and hits the ground with a "WHUMP!" Alice looks at Dilbert's feet propped up on the table as Wally grabs for Dilbert's pen. He says, "Ooh, TWO pens. What would THAT be like?"
Dilbert thinks to himself in front of his computer terminal: "I can't do anything because I'm always waiting for someone else." Phil, the Ruler of Heck, appears and says to Dilbert: "And you can't quit because your stock isn't vested." Dilbert asks Phil: "Am I in Heck?" The latter replies: "No. I'm just working the overflow from limbo."
Alice says to the Boss, "Someone stole my purse." Alice continues, "So I used my navy seal training to booby-trap my cubicle." From Alice's cubicle someone screeches. "Aaiee!!!" Alice replies, "The mail is early today."
Sitting at his computer, Asok thinks to himself "Send. Ooh!" Asok thinks to himself, "I get a tiny feeling of self-worth when I send e-mail to my boss." Dilbert says to Wally, loud enough for Asok to hear, "Looks like someone has an e-mail monkey on his back." Asok replies, "I can quit whenever I want!"
Dilbert, on the phone, says, "I'm trying to find someone who can help me with a payroll problem." A worker on the phone says, "You're close. I'm the guy who forwards your call to the wrong person." Dilbert says, "I'd like to speak with your supervisor." The voice on the other end of the line says, "I'll forward your call."