Won't Succeed Comic Strips - Page 11

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446 Results for Won't Succeed

View 101 - 110 results for won't succeed comic strips. Discover the best "Won't Succeed" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #delay, #beta trial, #exploding, #engineers, #pessimists, #foucs, #positive aspects, #trial, #hassle, #non disclosure, #agreements

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"You've got to delay the beta trial with customers until we figure out why it keeps exploding!" "You engineers are such pessimists. Just once, try to focus on the positive aspects of the trial!" "We won't need to hassle with 'non-disclosure agreements'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #senior executive, #bad deciosn, #end careers, #challenging, #decison, #great idea, #mixed signals, #pull neckties, #hurts

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"If we know our senior executive is making a bad decision, shouldn't we tell her?" "Hmm, yes. Let's end our careers by challenging a decision that won't change. That's a great idea." "I'm getting mixed signals here." "And let's pull our neckties until it hurts!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #imagine, #being a woman, #men in training, #people acknowledge, #can't find keys, #blouse falls off, #distorted view, #misogyny

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"In this sensitivity excercise, close your eyes and imagine how it feels to be a woman." "People acknowledge my existence. They smile for no reason and hold hte door open. I'm ...I'm popular." "I can't find my keys." "I'm never going back. I can't. I won't." "My blouse falls to the floor..." "Break! Break!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hate finance guy, #rigid, #inflexible, #not team player, #extra napkin, #lunch room talk

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Dilbert: Have you started to hate the new finance guy yet? wally: yeah, Is tarted yesterday. Dilbert: He seems so rigid. Wally: Rigid and inflexible, Not a team player. Dilbert: Do you have an extra napkin? Wally: I won't really know until Im done.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ratbert as intern, #high traffic cube, #look busy, #ratbert looks busy, #at computer

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Dilbert sits in his desk chair and says to Ratbert, "Since you won't go away, I'll make you an intern." Ratbert says, "Great! What's an intern?" Dilbert explains, "You'll spend your day in a high-traffic cube trying to look busy. Your main function is to make the rest of us glad we're not you." As he sits in a cubicle moving a mouse Ratbert thinks, "How did people ever look busy before computers?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reduce budget

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "We've been asked to reduce our budget. I'm going to offer to cut your project because it's the most critical." The Boss continues, "The finance guys won't dare cut that project. My ploy will spare us from any cuts at all." Dilbert says, "Excuse me while I panic." The Boss says, "Tell me again what your project is about. They might ask."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #black outs, #lights, #motion detectors, #hired a temp, #walk around, #go off, #another journalism major, #waste, #fan us

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've been having a problem with black-outs. The office lights are controlled by motion detectors." A man stands next to the Boss flapping his arms. The Boss continues, "I hired a temp to walk around and flap his arms so the lights won't go off." Dilbert and Wally watch the temp flap his arms. Dilbert says, "Another Journalism major enters the workforce." Wally says, "It seems like a waste. Maybe he could fan us."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #week behind, #poor leadership, #drained, #parents, #accept some resposibility, #creating you, #parents drunk

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The Boss enters Dilbert's cubicle and asks, "Can you explain why you're a week behind schedule?" Dilbert turns to face the Boss and says, "Your poor leadership has drained me of the enthusiasm that is necessary to succeed. But it's not completely YOUR fault." Dilbert continues, "Frankly, your parents have to accept some responsibility for creating you." The Boss asks, "Even if they were drunk?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pursue goal, #world domination, #talk radio host, #unique conservative view, #deserve mockery, #flawed view, #intelligent questions

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Dogbert says to Dilbert who is sitting at his desk, "I think the best way to pursue my goal of world domination is to become a talk radio host." Dogbert continues, "I'll promote my unique conservative viewpoint that people are idiots who deserve to be mocked." Dilbert asks, "Won't people show your viewpoint to be flawed by virtue of their intelligent questions?" Dogbert asks, "Like that one?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #results, #audit, #untrained, #highly skilled, #liars, #passed audit, #success

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Dogbert hands a document to the Boss and says, "Here are the results of my ISO 9000 audit of your company." Dogbert continues, "Your employees are largely untrained and - I couldn't help notice - fairly unattractive." Dogbert continues, "However, they are also highly skilled liars, so you passed the audit easily." The Boss raises his arm in the air and shouts, "We succeed where it counts!!!"