2007 Comic Strips - Page 11

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags password recovery, morons, forgot password, nostrildogmas, messed password, psychic

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Dogbert's password recovery service for morons Ned: I done forgot my password. Dogbert: What's your name? Ned: My name is Ned, I think. Is your password 'Ned'? Ned: Sweet baby jeepers, you're like some sort of Nostrildogmas!" Dogbert: Here's a brochure for my cult.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags staff meeting, posting, six sigma methods, eliminate gap, waste of time

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The Boss: Carol, schedule a staff meeting. Carol: What's the topic?" The Boss: I plan to fuse Six Sigma with lean methods to eliminate the gap between our strategy and our objectives. Carol: I'll just say 'Waste of time'.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags close the gap, good at something, jump ahead, strategy and capabilities

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The Boss: We need to find a way to close the gap between our strategy and our capabilities. Wally: Why don't we just pretend we're good at something and call it our strategy.Sorry...Didn't mean to jump ahead.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, scientist, planet zorp, technolgies, engineers, transfer knowledge, work, fabric covered container, business, science

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Scientist: I am a scientist from the planet Zorp. I bring you technologies beyond your imagination. All I ask is that you let me work with your engineers to transfer this knowledge. They think 'work' means sitting in a fabric-covered container.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags quagmire, alien, highly advanced intelligence, genius

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Alien: I am an alien with highly advanced intelligence. I have come to share my genius with this company. Asok: Me too. But they don't like that sort of thing here. It's a quagmire."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alien, bring technology, handle oa agavel, new guy, order in the court, simpletons, snout, working out, health

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I came to this company to bring the technology of my advanced culture to you simpletons. "Has anyone ever told you that your snout is like the handle of a gavel?" "A what?" "How's the new guy working out?" "ORDER IN THE COURT!" BAM BAM BAM

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alien, technology, superior being, moron, yammering, about linux, easy come

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ALIEN: I came from a distant planet to bring you advanced technology, but no one here will listen!" "I am a superior being, you moron! Listen to what I tell you and then do it!" THE BOSS: I fired him before he started yammering about Linux." Catbert: Easy come, easy go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting right now, lunch time, 12 hours, misery, envy, dead don't eat lucnch

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The Boss: Can you come to a meeting right now? Dilbert: No, it's almost lunch time. If I miss lunch, my day will be 12 hours of uninterrupted misery. I will envy the dead. The Boss: That's stupid. The dead don't eat lunch either.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags awards showcase, buy display case, awards store, unethical filling

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The Boss: Asok, your assignment is to buy a display case for our awards. Then go to the store and buy a bunch of awards because we don't have any. Asok: The next one is for 'Best Unethical Filling of an Awards Showcase.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags on payroll, fool proof dna, identifying losers, dna doesn't match, too many losers

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Dogbert Consults Dogbert: Your problem is that you have too many losers on the payroll. Luckily I have developed a fool-proof DNA test for identifying losers. Well, I'm afraid your DNA doesn't match mine, loser.