2017 Comic Strips - Page 11
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Character
Sunday April 23,
2017
Tags failure, blame, executives, scapegoat
Transcript
Dilbert: Our sales for the quarter were zero. CEO: Heads will roll! Whose fault is this. Dilbert: It's entirely your fault. You told a reporter that our next version will be amazing. So all of our customers are waiting for the new version. The only sensible solution here is for you to admit your mistake and resign in utter humiliation. CEO: Or... I could blame this guy, whatever his name is. Man: That isn't right. CEO: Looks like I'll be adding insubordination to the charges.
Sunday April 30,
2017
Tags technology, cognition, distraction, Entertainment, mindless, cell phone, internet, social media
Transcript
Dilbert: I wanted to be productive this week but the big tech companies didn't let me. Boss: That's ridiculous. They can't stop people from doing work. Dilbert: Actually, they can. Their business models depend on interrupting users with ads, and apps, and mindless entertainment. Until recently, humans could resist these distractions. But now the tech companies are using science to make their apps addictive. They learned how to hijack our brains. What started as simple entertainment evolved into military-grade mind control. Did you hear any of that? Boss: Any of what?
Monday April 10,
2017
Asok Is In The Jargon Matrix
Tags jargon, language, breakdown, nonsense
Transcript
Carol: Come quickly. I think Asok entered the jargon matrix. Asok: At the end of the day, I want some actionable insights that will improve our cross-platform integration. Carol: Can he hear us? Dilbert: Yes, but our words are just noise to him now. Asok: Silo.
Tuesday April 11,
2017
Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix
Tags jargon, language, matrix, communication
Transcript
Dilbert: Asok entered the jargon matrix. I'm going in to save him. Asok: User experience... Dilbert: Cloud... blockchain... speed of execution... responsive design... peel the onion... move the needle... Asok: Sustainability. Dilbert: I'm in. Asok: What the...? Where did you come from? Narrator: Continued...
Wednesday April 12,
2017
Dilbert Red Pills Asok
Tags jargon, language, nonsense, productivity, illusion, alternate reality
Transcript
Dilbert: Nothing in this dimension is real. Asok: Double-click on that. Dilbert: The jargon matrix is where people imagine they are being useful. But in reality, they are sitting in a chair doing nothing. Asok: I just made a ten-year technology plan.
Thursday April 13,
2017
Wally Moves Into Bathroom Stall
Friday April 14,
2017
3 D Printer Will Save Millions
Tags altruism, money, profit, big business, priorities, morals, life
Transcript
Dilbert: I invented a 3-D printer for the poor that can create any kind of generic drug or medical device. It will save millions. Boss: ...of dollars? Dilbert: People. Boss: Pass.
Saturday April 15,
2017
Bug In The Platform
Tags work ethic, excuse, laziness, proof
Transcript
Boss: Did you add the new feature yet? Wally: No, I had to fix a critical bug in the platform first. Boss: I have no way to verify that claim. Wally: That's why it's a good one.
Sunday May 07,
2017
Tags avoiding, avoidance, offense
Transcript
Tina; Are you going to the department meeting? Dilbert: Yes, as soon as I plan my route. I have seven co-workers who I need to avoid on the way. Three are nonstop talkers. The other four ask me for something every time I see them. I've mapped their likely locations and I'm working out an avoidance path. Yes, I think I can do it. Tina: Is that my name on your list of employees to avoid? Dilbert: I didn't say it was a perfect system.
Monday April 17,
2017
Wally Volunteers For Vr Project
Tags vr, virtual reality, nap, sleeping, work, laziness, work ethic, deception
Transcript
Wally: I'd like to work on the VR headset project on top of my other duties. Boss: That's weird. You've never volunteered for extra work before. Wally: People change. Boss: Or not.


