2020 Comic Strips - Page 11

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Mind Control

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Mind Control - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, Dogbert, slump, sales, clone, product, shoddy, mind, control, legal, notice

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: my team of dogbert clones has reversed your slumping sales. your products are still shoddy, but we use mind control to make people not notice. it's all perfectly legal. boss: i wasn't going to ask.

Clones Embezzle

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Clones Embezzle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, lunch, sandwich, company, dissolve, self-discovery, consilting, staffing, clones, embezzle, journey

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert in lunchroom with dilbert: i had to dissolve my consulting company because i made the mistake of staffing it with my clones. every one of them embezzled from me. that sort of ended my journey of self-discovery.

Asok Confidence

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Confidence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags asok, business, co-workers, confidence, enough, fake, room, test

View Transcript

Transcript

ask: you know what's wrong with this room? not enough of me in it. that's what. dilbert: are you testing your fake confidence? asok: is it working?

Tina Sues Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Sues Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, lawyer, sexist, jokes, not, Funny, illegal, unfunny, criminally, last, know

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: i've contacted my lawyer to sue you for your sexist jokes. your humor is not funny, and there's a good chance it is illegal. boss to catbert: i just learned that i am criminally not funny. catbert: you're always the last to know.

Dogbert Designs Headphones

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Designs Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags design, business, headphones, maximum, customer, annoyance, charging, port, guess, incorrect, frustration, fit, customers, ship, user

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.

Wally Will Be Right Back

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Will Be Right Back - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office workers, minute, desk, help, mystery

View Transcript

Transcript

tina: do you have a minute to help me? wally: absolutely. i'll be right back after i drop off something at my desk. tina: i'll never see you again, will i? wally: don't take the mystery out of it.

Working On Vacation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Working On Vacation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, work, vacation, scold, enjoy, behind, train, broken

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: do you mind if i come to work on my vacation days? i hate being scolded for being behind in my work more that i enjoy taking vacations. boss: it seems i have trained you well. dilbert: no, i'm just broken.

Poster Of Our Values

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Poster Of Our Values - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, poster, values, room, forgot, steal, guess, break room

View Transcript

Transcript

boss at conference room table: i hope you all saw the poster i put in the break room with our list of values. dilbert: i didn't see it. what are our values? boss: i don't remember. wally: are we allowed to steal? dilbert: i don't think so, but i'm guessing.

Show Interest In Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Show Interest In Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags appointment, business, doctor, employees, hate, interest, leave, life, managers & supervisors, prank, question

View Transcript

Transcript

alice: i have a doctor appointment. boss: what's wrong with you? alice yelling: that's none of your stinkin' business! stay our of my life! boss to catbert: didn't you advise me to show interest in my employees? catbert: i was pranking you. they hate that.

Rot From The Inside

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Rot From The Inside - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, work, ethic, abysmal, loan, project, hate, rot, idea, raise

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: wally, your work ethic is abysmal. you're fired. wally: wouldn't it make more sense to loan me to a project you hate, so i can rot it from the inside? boss: that's not your worst idea. wally: is a raise out of the question?