Brown Bag Seminars Comic Strips - Page 11
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Carol: Do you want extra legroom on your flight? It costs more. Boss: Yes. Carol: Do you want an aisle seat? That costs extra. Boss: Yes. Carol: Do you want a no-baby section? It costs extra. Boss: Yes. Carol: Extra bag? Boss: Yes. Carol: Meal? Boss: Yes. Carol: Priority boarding? Boss: Yes. Carol: In-flight entertainment? Wi-fi? Flight insurance? We're almost done. Just twelve more questions. Your ticket comes to $27,689. And it's only three stops! Boss: No let's do the return flight. One hour later.
Dilbert: I read an article that says employees are happiest when their jobs give them a sense of meaning. What is this "sense of meaning" thing and how can I get some of it? Because I feel like a bag of organ meat draped over an electric fence. Boss: Almost the same thing.
Boss: I'm looking for ideas on how we can improve our corporate culture. Alice: You could start by being less of a micromanaging d-bag who hides like a Higgs-boson whenever we need a decision. Boss: That didn't help. Alice: Will honesty still be taboo in the new culture?
Catbert: Your brain scan shows tremendous management potential. The part of your brain that would normally control ethics is filled with some sort of warm, brown liquid. It appears that you speed-evolved part of your brain into a coffee reservoir. Wally: People think I don't have a plan.
Catbert: Your first test on the management fast track involves rescuing a plastic baby and a bag of money from a weasel. You must punch the weasel then catch the money and the baby before they reach the ground. I found our next CEO. Wally: Wait...say this instructions again.
Alice: Futurists say that someday humans will have the know-how to create an entire universe. Boss: Where would they put it? Alice: We should do these brown bag lunches less often.
Boss: So... how's your job going? Dilbert: It's like being buried alive in a burlap bag full of starving rats. Boss: And I'm back to not caring. Dilbert: How long will it take you to fix everything?
Wally: I added air bags to my underpants to avoid accidental assignments. Boss: Hey, Wally, I need you to... BAM! Maybe I'll ask someone else. Wally: The system works!
CEO: Remember, intern, you can't spell delegate without some of the letters of "El Gato." Asok: Your saying is ridiculous and yet I find it compelling because it came from a leader. CEO: No, it is I who have learned the most from your ignorance. Asok: That is so wise!