Cloud Start Up Comic Strips - Page 11
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Dilbert hands the boss a piece of paper and says, "This is the bare minimum budget I need for my project." The boss says, "What could you do with half of this amount?" Dilbert says, "Fail." The boss says, "When can you start?" Dilbert says, "I think I just did."
Dilbert stands next to a blank projection screen. He says, "My boss asked me to give his presentation." Dilbert puts a transparency on the overhead projector, saying, "I'll start with his irrelevant comparisons." Dilbert points to the projection, saying, "Our budget is lower than last year...". His co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "When we had completely different projects." Pointing to a projection of a graph, Dilbert continues, "Our average product development time is less...". The co-workers watch as Dilbert continues, "Than the average for companies who make different products." Dilbert puts another transparency on the projector, saying, "Let's move on to his list of blindingly obvious insights." Standing next to the projction, Dilbert says, "If it's okay with you, I won't read them aloud." The projection reads, "Computers are getting faster!"
Caption: "Tina the tech writer." Tina holds a paper under her arm. Tina stands at The Bosses desk and says, "I grew tired of writing the same old stories for the newsletter." The Boss reads paper. Tina says, 'So I started inventing stories of bizarre work-place crimes." The Boss reads and looks surprised. Tina says, "Sometimes we in the media have to give the copycat criminals a little kick start."
At home, Dilbert asks Ratbert: "Should I stay at my current job where the commute is easy?" He continues: "Or should I risk everything and join a fast paced start-up company?" Bob the Dinosaur appears and says: "I joined a fast-paced start-up company while you were yakking." Ratbert joins in with: "Mine went IPO."
Dilbert is carrying-out a presentation. He is standing in front of the attendees, next to a diagram. He says: "I'd like to start with a diagram." He points at the diagram and explains: "It's a bunch of shapes connected by lines." He continues: "Now I will say some impressive words." He says: "Synchronized Incremental Digital Integrated Dynamic E-Commerce Space." He asks: "Any questions?" One of the attendees raises his hand and asks: "May I have a copy of your presentation?" Dilbert stands alone, surrounded by white space and silence. He arrives home and tells Dogbert: "The results of my experiment are disturbing."
Dilbert is standing at a party with two women. He says, "My socks use an anti-microbial polymer to bond chlorine atoms to cotton." He continues, "I can wear these babies for days before they start to stink." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "What was that other pick-up line we talked about?" Dogbert answers, "It was 'Hi.'"
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Help me interview a candidate for engineering." The Boss says to Dilbert, "I think he's terrific!" Dilbert thinks to himself, "Uh-oh." During the interview, Dilbert says to the candidate, "According to your resume, Paul, you invented e-commerce." The Boss says, "Wow!" The Boss then exclaims, "I'm going to hire him right now!" Dilbert replies, "Hold on." Dilbert says to Paul, "Paul, you didn't really invent e-commerce, did you?" Paul ansers, "Well..." Paul continues, "Maybe I was...um...part of the team that invented it." Dilbert, now agitated, yells "No one invented e-commerce!" The Boss, completely oblivious to all that 's been said asks Paul, "When can you start?" Dilbert asks the Boss, "Why am I here?" The Boss responds, "Maybe Paul can teach you how to invent things."
The Boss says to Wally, "We're going to start tracking our time spent with internal clients." The Boss continues, "I will cleverly send fake bills to other departments to show how helpful we are." Wally replies, "I can't help you. I'm busy with my time sheet."
Sitting at his desk, the Boss thinks to himself, "I should create my own little internet start-up." The Boss continues thinking, "All I need is a business plan." As the Boss approaches Carol's desk, Carol replies "The V.C. are sick of B to B." The Boss thinks to himself, "The Vietcong are sick of breakfast in bed?"
Wally says to the Boss, "I was so motivated by your pep talk yesterday that I came to work ten minutes early!" The Boss replies, "Wally, we start at eight, not at nine." Wally responds, "That's gonna cost you ten minutes."