Customer Comic Strips - Page 11
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Character
216 Results for Customer
View 101 - 110 results for customer comic strips. Discover the best "Customer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday August 03,
2003
Tags disturbing news, outsourced, customer service function, india, subcontracted, jobs to mexico, lowest cost provider, pay ourselves
Transcript
"I have some disturbing news." "We outsourced our customer-service function to India a few years ago." "So?" "Apparently, they subcontracted the job to Mexico." "Then Mexico subcontracted to Vietnam, who subcontracted to the Philippines.." "..Who subcontracted it to us." "It turns out that we're the lowest-cost provider because we lie about our hold times." "In summary, we pay ourselves to hose ourselves." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "We should raise our prices?"
Monday August 04,
2003
Tags website, customer success, closest things, complaint letters, few words, kick to kiss, change context, reviews, technology
Transcript
"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."
Sunday October 12,
2003
Tags new version, every feature, current version, leapfrog competition, better products, pile of crud
Transcript
The boss: "Hey, it's a customer!" The boss: "You're in luck; our next version has every feature you'll ever want!" Man: "It does?" "I was ready to buy your current version... but I guess I'll wait." The Boss: "When will our new version be ready?" Dilbert: "In a year." "The new version will leapfrog our competition." Man: "Leapfrog? That implies that they have better products right now." The Boss: "BUY OUR PRODUCT, YOU STINKIN' PILE OF CRUD!!" "SLAP!" "I have to run. Try not to blow the sale."
Thursday December 04,
2003
Tags accidentally eat, apple core, care values, customer service, respect, stem is loyalty, teamwork, apple product
Transcript
The Boss: "This apple will remind us of our CORE values: respect, customer service, and teamwork." Dilbert: "The apple's core is the part you throw away." The Boss: "Not always. Sometimes I accidentally eat it." Dilbert: "Maybe the stem can represent our loyalty to the company."
Saturday February 14,
2004
Tags selling confidential data base, customer information, profitable, virtually untectable, highly unethical, modern times, facebook, commercial, branding
Transcript
The Boss: Did you ever think about selling our confidential data-base of customer information? It would be massively profitable while virtually undetectable, Catbert: But highly unethical. The boss: I don't know you any more. Catbert: Im yanking your chain . when do we start?
Thursday March 11,
2004
Tags repeat customer, rate of recidivism, focus on marketing, learn from experience, free knuckle tattoo, nicknames for women, free book, criminals, dumb
Transcript
The boss: "We only have a 10% repeat customer rate whereas prisons have a 70% rate of recidivism." "We need to focus our marketing on criminals because they don't learn from experience." "Order now and get a free knuckle tattoo plus our free book 1,001 nicknames for women."
Monday March 15,
2004
Tags target market, one customer, 10 thousand units, shop carefully
Transcript
Dilbert: "Our target market is people who don't shop carefully." "Our product is designed to attack the user and force him to reorder." "We only have one customer but we've sold 10,000 units."
Monday May 24,
2004
Tags science of fengshui, technical merits, witch doctor, astrologer, cutomer
Transcript
Visiting a customer "Our office was designed with the science of Feng Shui." "Should I describe the technical merits of our product or will you be consulting with a witch doctor?" "Oops. Sorry. That one snuck up on me." "He's an astrologer, not at witch doctor."
Tuesday May 25,
2004
Tags customer visit, zombie, technical talk, liberal arts major, blue
Transcript
Customer Visit Dilbert: I can see form your zombie stare that you don't understand technical talk. Dilbert: Let me try iy in a language I call "liberal arts major" Dilbert: Its blue. Customer: It has a color??!
Sunday August 08,
2004
Tags credit reporting company, data, death, debilitating, health problems, low cost provider, ruined lives, medical
Transcript
Dogbert: Im starting a credit reporting company. I'll be the low cost provider because all of my data will be wrong, Dilbert: what will you do when people call and complain that you ruined their lives? Dogbert: I'll put them on hold until their frustration turn into debilitating health problems. Their last words will be AAAGH!!!! I only wanted to buy a minivan! Death will accomplish what customer service could not. Dilbert: Im just curious: Do you have nay qualms about your business plan? any at all? Dogbert: Im not sure. do qualms make you wag?


