Evil Soirits Comic Strips - Page 11

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279 Results for Evil Soirits

View 101 - 110 results for evil soirits comic strips. Discover the best "Evil Soirits" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 1999's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #reduce airline expense, #weed out dumb ones, #sprint across runway, #cling to plane, #takeoff

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Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert types, "To reduce airline travel expenses..." Dilbert reads, "Sprint across the runway and cling to plane during takeoff." Catbert thinks, "That will weed out the dumb ones."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 1999's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #Catbert, #sick days, #unusual reasons, #imagined to be fly, #hair, #crazy reasons, #made up reason, #fake excuses

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CAption: "CAtbert: Evil H.R. Director" CAtbert says, "Wally, you've taken sick days for unusual reasons." Catbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "For example, one day you got sick because you "...accidently imagined what ir would be like if you were a fly." Catbert says, "And today it's your hair?" Wally says, "I lathered and rinsed but I don't remember repeating."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 1999's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #hr dept., #views of management, #exceeds expectations, #renamed, #drool, #loser, #die die die, #category changes, #performance review

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CATBERT: EVIl Director of Human Resources Catbert is walking through the office carrying a paper thinking, "I love my job." He walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Hello, hapless employee." He continues, "I've renamed the four levels of employee performance..." "...To accurately reflect the views of management." Catbert reading from his paper, "The category of "exceeds expectations" is renamed to..." "..."At least he or she doesn't drool on himself or herself."..." He continues, "..."Meets expectations will be called "loser". "Does not meet expectations" will now be called "Die! Die! Die!"..." Catbert is walking off thinking, "I could send it out by e-mail but I enjoy seeing the looks on their faces."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2000's comic on:


Tags #new personlaity, #non standard, #approved corporate personalities, #sycophants glad hander, #sadist, #prima donna, #empty suit, #whining misfit, #spec sheet, #dialoque

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Caption reads: "Catbert, evil H.R. Director." Catbert is sitting behind a desk in a throne-like chair. He tells Dilbert, who is sitting in a very small chair: "We've decided to give you a new personality." Dilbert is surprised: "What! Why?" Catbert explains: "You're current personality is non-standard." He continues: "You must choose one of the approved corporate personalities." Catbert presents the options: "The choices are sycophant, glad-hander, sadist, quantoid, prima donna, empty suit, or whining misfit." Dilbert says: "Empty suit sounds interesting." Catbert says: "Excellent choice. Here's the Spec Sheet." Wally asks Dilbert about the meeting: "How did it go?" Dilbert answers, reading from the Spec Sheet: "Same ol' Same ol'. You got that right!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dozen bugs, #bugs in software, #fix for 20k, #defective porduct, #evil euphria, #no choice, #making fortune, #single source tsrategy

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Dilbert tells a salesman: "We found a dozen bugs in the software you sold us." The salesman answers: "We can fix these bugs for $20,000. Dilbert is shocked: "What?" Dilber says: "You can't charge us to fix you own defective product!" The salesman laughs boisterously. He explains: "Sorry...I was overcome by an evil euphoria." Dilbert says: "I guess we have to pay. We have no choice!" Reaching for his cell-phone, the salesman says: "Excuse me." The salesman speaks into his cell-phone: "Put more bugs in the software! I'm making a fortune out here!" Dilbert thinks: "I'm starting to question our single source strategy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2000's comic on:


Tags #evil hr director, #offered stock incentives, #working hard enogh, #beating customers

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Catbert, now acting as the Evil H.R. director, aks Dilbert "Would you work harder if we offerec stock incentives." Dilbert responds, "Yes." Catbert asks, "So you admit you're not working hard enough now?" Dilbert replies unsure "Umm..." Catbert goes on to ask Dilbert, "Lastly, are you still beating up customers?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2000's comic on:


Tags #bikini pics, #dismissal, #technically, #magnetic media, #zeros and ones, #auditors, #40 gigs of pics

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Catbert, the Evil H.R. director says to Wally, "Wally, our auditors found 40 gigabits of bikini pictures on your PC." Wally is thinking the same thing. Catbert says to Wally, "That is grounds for dismissal. How do you plead?" Wally thinks to himself, "Innocent. Technically, they didn't find any pictures." Wally says to Catbert, "What they found were zeroes and ones resting harmlessly on magnetic media." Wally continues, "It was the auditors themselves who activated thoe harmless bits to form pictures on the screen." Wally says to Catbert, "I demand that those godless auditors be fired!" Wally also says, "And if it's not too much trouble, I'd like my zeroes and ones back." After Wally's meeting with Catbert, Dilberts asks Wally "Was justice served?" Wally responds, "It's a gray area."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2000's comic on:


Tags #outside jobs, #control my life, #control what i think, #evil hr director

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Catbert the Evil HR Director says to Asok, "You need my approval for any outside jobs." Asok replies, "Oh, my...I have the sudden realization that you control my entire life." Asok continues, "But you can't control what I think!" Catbert continues to read without responding.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 2000's comic on:


Tags #video cameras installed, #id badges, #internet, #phone use monitored, #drug testing, #hot irons, #brand awareness, #branding, #employees, #business, #technology

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Catbert the Evil HR Director says to the staff, "Video cameras have been installed in all work areas." Catbert holds up a badge and says, "Employees must wear I.D. badges around their neck." Catbert continues, "Your internet and telephone usage will be monitored." Catbert continues, "Everyone will undergo mandatory drug testing." Catbert thinks to himself, "They're not resisting. They're ready for phase two." Catbert says, "Prepare to be permanently marked by hot ironos." The Boss asks Catbert, "Will that hurt?" Catbert answers, "I'll be fine. Thanks for asking." Everyone holds Wally down on the table as Catbert announces, "Wally is about to experience brand awareness."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2000's comic on:


Tags #can't breathe, #demonstration, #evil eye process, #new consultant, #paper cut bleeding, #rasputin, #charisma

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The Boss says to his staff, "This is Rasputin, our new consultant." The Boss continues, "He stopped my paper cut from bleeding." The Boss says to everyone, "He has charisma." Alice says, "I'd like to see a demonstration on Asok." Rasputin looks at Asok fiercely. Asok nervously says, "Ack...can't breathe..." The Boss says to everyone, "That's called the evil eye process. Now do Wally." Rasputin begins to stare at Wally. Wally replies, "Ack...can't breathe..." Wally drops to the floor and the Boss says, "He never had a chance." Dilbert replies, "Your anti-charisma is strong today."